So what was happening? Now, I could type everything into ChatGPT and get a nice, clean succinct answer – maybe a bit scrubbed for anything too “out there” and more mainstream, but at least it would sound nice and I could blankly nod my head in agreement…

But that wouldn’t honor the process. The messiness and the rawness. In such a tight and neat package as delivered by AI, it does my journey a disservice…at least for me. For you, maybe it’s all that’s needed to understand to the degree you want to. But for me, I need to go into the details, the rawness, the lived experience of it…obviously…since I lived it.

[Jump to the end for the song if you want]

While it doesn’t sound sexy, it started with several years of preparation…little did I know that that’s what it was. But the preparation included several relational and health traumatic experiences that ever so slightly (or dramatically) shifted my trajectory in life. These “wake-up calls” can be as gentle as a passing thought on a walk, or as dramatic as a massive crash to the body or heartbreaking end of a relationship. Or as internal as a prayer being quietly answered, or as external like a death in the family.

The witnessed experience of such “wake up calls” by another doesn’t do the “trauma” justice. As it’s often the perfect area and jus the right amount of devastation to get that person the message…what I’d call a gracious dose by the higher self. And sometimes, gracious means outright extreme if you’re not getting it – the grace comes in the consideration of the “lesser of two evils.”

I won’t go into each of my wakeup calls (although other posts do talk about some of them), just know that they were successive blows to the ego, my pre-planned life, and how I viewed reality in just the right ways and just the right time to affect the outcome. And as such, career and lifestyle changes and trips to unique (spiritual) places ensued. But, it also loosened the collective conscious programming on me and led me headlong into self-inquiry, self-study and trying to piece my own world view from scratch…I mean, that’s usually what happens when all the pieces fall apart right?

At the same time, not everything I went through to shape my trajectory was traumatic, but quite the opposite. Synchronistic and blissful occurrences also guided my path and prepared me for this.

Combined, it’s the maxim: luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

And you could say that I prepared…and prepared…and prepared. I had read, analyzed, studied and written notes and articles on over 100 books of various topics. I explored science, health, spirituality, technology, business, history and anything that I was curious about. My Saturdays for several months (to years) were dedicated to being in a coffee shop learning, writing, and ultimately seeking. Quite the opposite to “doom scrolling” on social media.

But my seeking is far less linear in results and far more similar to a tipping point experience…such as increasing the temperature around ice. No apparent change in observation from 12 degrees Fahrenheit to 13, 13 to 14 and so on. Even though you’re making a change, there’s no observable shift. Until that point of 32 to 33, in which the ice undergoes a visible shift, it starts to melt. This was the best analogy for my own seeking. Much of it was not flashy, with little results. But it was all preparing me for the melting point.

I don’t really want to tell you the details of the mystical, the magical and surreal that transpired. For based on your own unique experience, me telling you these things might align with or cause dissonance in your world view. And that’s not the point, or at least not the point of this post.

What I did was I kept “kicking the tires” down the directions that I felt most curious to me. Like my own investigative reporting (similar to Neo in the start of the Matrix). But I didn’t stick to just one area of focus as I mentioned. I cast a wide net building my neural pathways in all directions. Until a few things started happening:

I started to see clear overlap between seemingly disparate topics, that when pursued far enough out all generally pointed to the same view of reality – whether they wanted to take the professional or academic risk to say so was another story.
I started to see where certain fields of “expertise” had a systems thinking limitation for explaining things – aka materialists started to be unable to explain things without sounding like there was something “not material” out there.
I started to think for myself and create new meaning by playing with different key thought leaders in various topics. Wait, if person A is in neuroscience saying this, and person B an astrophysicist is saying that…then that would mean [insert new insight of deduction/inference/etc.]
And most importantly, it started to bring me to the fringes of accepted reality (or rather the reality I was programmed to believe)…which then brought awareness of new resources that were just beyond that world view, that usually had more people trying to discredit it than give it awards, and did kind of sound crazy…but with all the foundational research I had done, it sounded like there just might actually be some truth to it.

The challenge behind all of this was the amount of cognitive dissonance I needed to hold at the same time. From my own world view and beliefs to what I was reading to the contradictions between experts in various fields to the wacky and quarky world of “what lies beyond”…and of course the fractured identity, existential crises, and PTSD of resigning from the startup, to the shock to my body in the shift of diet. It was a vortex in my mind.

But this inquiry (and synchronicity) is what eventually led me to study with the guru. He seemed to have an answer for all the outstanding questions that I had. A framework and model that put together all the pieces I needed connected. And I think most importantly, a vision for the future that made all of this information I was learning relevant.

So while there was the social and primal reasons for continuing down the path as I mentioned in my previous post (chasing cute girls), it was really the mental mechanisms that were the primary motivations.

In retrospect, what happened was I removed as much of my physical self (through limited and specific food), removed heart-based connection and love (ostracized myself from family, friends, colleagues), and shifted all my consciousness and energy into my mental self and crown chakra. With traumatizing replays, analyses of what I could have done different and shame spiraling, as well as with diving even more into reading all these random topics that also included Guru inspired books, it’s a solid combo to do so. This shift may have been extreme but it was a natural evolution of how I lived (being a great student, learning on my own after college, my career predominately based on my mental ability, etc.)

So the metaphorical temperature rose over the weeks, and it eventually shifted my state, the ice started melting.

I started demonstrating powers of the third eye and crown. Jnana Padhati. My crown (top of my brain and all around it) started to feel like it was melting, or that there was a warm cloth on it all the time. What I now know in Kundalini Science as the petals of the 1000 petal lotus were activating. Amrita was pouring out – this sweet nectar that left me in a blissful brain state. If there was a brain scan going on, it would probably look like incredible coherence within all of my brain waves (delta, alpha, theta, beta, gamma and high gamma).

What that meant was also that new insights, “gamma moments” of “aha” connections within different neural pathways would form. I’d start truly understanding things, not just being able to recite them or reference the “expert” of the information. I was able to see and know from the most powerful place of knowing. A knowing that was stronger than knowing 1+1 = 2. It was a felt sensation each time. I was able to access information I didn’t even know existed. Then I’d go research it and sure enough it proved true. Oh the sheer joy and ecstasy of that state. Even as I write this, I am taken back into those moments. Like a warm silky cloth massaging the top of your brain and filling your body with feel good chemicals…nothing compares to it. Why eat, or care about calories, or the 3D life when you’re riding high on that stuff.

But then the bliss and connections wouldn’t stop.

I’d close my eyes and my mind would still race as fast as I could process. Fixing false histories. Understanding scientific mysteries. Instead of constant anxiety and self-abuse narratives, it was blissful realizations flooding my body. A perfect panacea to the realities of 3D life. I was living so naturally high, all I could feel in my body was my crown being massaged and “drinking Amrita”. I’d open my eyes and it’d be like I had a AR headset on, seeing information floating in my reality. Close my eyes and new information like VR appeared. It was great…except sometimes it felt like I was getting some kind of Spamy Ad/Imagery in my visuals that I’m like, uhh, not sure what that is…exit, exit, exit…file that odd experience away for later…let’s keep going! …until a 3D need came up like paying bills, or dealing with the family asking about my job search.

Forget that…I’m exploring the realms of the unseen and unknown. I’m receiving information and equations as I’m about to get into the shower that explains a unified field theory that was not complicated, very simple. The feeling of understanding came first, and then the information poured through me, much like what painters describe when “revealing the painting”. So I’m a genius, maybe a god. People will pay thousands of dollars possibly for me to reveal to them information…or at least that’s what my ego was thinking…

For a jobless bum not wanting (or knowing) how to process the trauma and grief and existential crisis, this neurochemical bliss seemed like the answer – and when one is that high, often so too does the ego.

And to be clear, I was eating cleaner than I ever had. No drugs, no alcohol, and no coffee. I was like a mad scientist, combining sound, vibration, water, alchemy, orgone, shapes, you name it, if it was weird and fringe, I probably was researching it and combining it into some product, potion or idea…

But then, that level of awareness and insight would turn to my own life. It wasn’t just the unknown world and the mysteries of the cosmos any more. It now unwillingly became self-reflection. I couldn’t distract it, my focus was being pulled by it.

How I approached certain situations, my upbringing, past relationships. It was deep realizations of my immaturity, my poor choices in life, and the levels of programming I had. I tried desperately to stay in the quantum and energetic world of shiny objects, inventions and unique insights. But information of how I wronged my sisters, previous friends, and my college antics were all being re-contextualized from a higher perspective…that often left me with a further feeling of guilt, shame, or inadequacy.

Take me back to the secrets of the cosmos…

Like an exponential curve, the temperature was rising much faster in this liquid stage and I was moving fast from liquid to gas.

It was like a run away train picking up steam.

What I started to believe as some unique exceptionalism (spiritual ego), when it shifted to my own life (which I didn’t want) I realized I didn’t have control over.

The information kept flooding through.

My neurochemical bliss cocktail that I was floating in for weeks started to become normalized (or possibly my dopamine receptors started having issues). The amount of cognitive load on my brain, I couldn’t hold anymore. And my nervous system (already weak from weeks of being a couch potato), started to go. The lack of body mass didn’t help either. And the warm feeling in my brain never turned off…is that normal? Maybe there was something wrong with me? Maybe I needed some Omega-3? Hah!

The insights that I pulled in were coming in so fast now. I couldn’t possibly process them, or hold them, let alone write them down or speak them into a recorder. I had tapped into something, and learned how to increase the flow rate…like a fire hydrant, but I didn’t know how to turn it down, just up…more and more… so instead of a nourishing flow of water I was being blown away.

The bliss in my state along with the opening and constant activation of my third eye left me in a semi-permanent eyes wide open stare of almost brainless joy that borders on creepy. I had never felt so awake, alive, and on…but I also didn’t know how to turn it off.

The backlog of questions I’ve had my entire life and the mental processing I needed to go through eventually cleared.

And so as soon as I had a question about something, the answer would appear. And it would arrive faster than I could mentally ask the question. It was now like a violent receiving of the information, as though my consciousness were connected to some high speed fiber optic cable of knowledge hurling the insight at me. The mental equivalent of catching a 100 mph fast ball of information straight to the head.

And soon, I lost all desire to know things. To wonder things. Just make it stop.

But it wouldn’t. I’d walk around the block and my consciousness would make up things for me to wonder and know, like a short circuited AI or something my eyes would see grass…and then the information would flood it…see these dimensions of the grass, it’s that way because of this, information about how that grass was planted, the type of grass, estimated number of times a dog peed on it, the origin of why man put grass as a sign of civility in the first place, average price to upkeep the grass, how many seeds of grass are needed to make that lawn, lawn care who takes care of it, private or public domain of upkeep, gardener who is mowing it, where did he come from, what’s his story, is he getting compensated fairly, whatever happened to teenage gardeners…the information would fire constantly. On and on it went. Close my eyes, take a breath, open them…and then a car would pass by…parts of the car, where it’s made, how much they made it for, gross profit, mileage, safety, egos who are attracted to that kind of car… On and on it went..

And so then the quest for all knowingness, which was one of the Slokas studied a few weeks into this process which only amplified the experience – soon became a quest for stillness. For quiet.

For even though I spent most of my time alone now, the information was so loud, the voices so many. My body was done with the constant euphoria, I need to find an off switch.

And thus began the quest for 0 TPS. What the guru called Zero Thoughts per Second. The no thought stage.

Almost like I was being punished for having a thought, I worked on achieving none of them. Through meditation, prayer, whatever focused on removal. I worked on removing desires within me…

But in this releasing of desire, my trauma and grief was still being suppressed. And I was reliving and recounting my life from a high level of awareness, noting where I (and others) acted from wounds, trauma, and what I judged as wrong behavior. All of which compounded my desire for isolation, minimal stimulation, and seclusion. Plus a deteriorating body mass…

Ever been on social media or the internet? It runs off desires. Go to a grocery store, Amazon, letting your mind wander? Desires, fantasies, visualizations. No respite…

So I limited the exposure. And in so doing, I isolated myself further. A full on one-way ticket to exploring what I could only irespectably call my foray into expanding signs of what people have called traits of Autism.

In the Kundalini path, with a crown driven rising, my body started repairing itself. From brain trauma as a child to now entering into epigenetic and genetic challenges to heal, I was going stage by stage into the decent. You don’t have to believe me, you can put a psychosis term on me, that’s fine. That’s why it’s taken me so many years to be able to express what I truly believed happened. But, before doing so, go talk to Dr. Joe Dispenza and learn about his research.

At that time there were a few old and new friends who popped in. The ones who cared about me despite optics, weren’t scared by my constant crazy insights, or didn’t get caught up in their own lives to (which happens). To be honest, I don’t know if I would have even continued a friendship with me if I were them. (Probably why I had the experience…hardship expands compassion).

But those that did visit, each interaction, project, or experience with them left an indelible mark on my psyche and journey. Reducing the noise in my life made each event more meaningful, despite my apparent lack of social skills that I once had as a buzzing MBA student.

These friends who visited offered support and help, often in trying to help me get back on my feet, or support one of my entrepreneurial endeavors – which I had tons of due to the continuous insights that bombarded my head.

Looking back, with the way I presented myself, no invention would be able to be sustained in a commercial venture. As the former founding co-president of the Columbia VC Club, I knew what a backable idea looks like – and it primarily rests on the people to begin with, regardless of the amazing product. And well, my products were awesome…many almost too good to be true (harnessing earth’s energy akin to free energy, global water initiatives, and more space aged ideas…which ironically have presented themselves to me through other inventors) – but, backing a genius who has lost his mind…not really the bet you’d take…unless if he was siloed to the product development department and there was a more suitable figure to be CEO…a pattern I have helped many past clients face with their inventions.

That said, there was one venture which I’ll highlight. Not because it was a way to generate an income after 3 months revenue-less, nor how potentially close it was to providing me a constant monthly 5 figure revenue in royalties, nor how it epically collapsed at the finish line for reasons I couldn’t comprehend… but because of what ensued after as we were searchin desperately for a project that would pay us…

We went over to her neighbor’s house to see if we could help this guy create online courses and market what he was teaching. He had a book, and an incredible story – of living in the Himalayas, meditating, learning how to levitate, and now back as an artist and teacher to pass on his wisdom in a simple and eloquent way.

I, with her help, talked him through the initial stages of the Foundry Process (my main GTM offering), she pitched what she could do, and he shared tea, stories and his vision. A beautiful future possibility revealed itself (as they often do in the Process), but truth be told, I secretly wanted to be him. I wanted to be the one with the experiences, the process, speaking on stage – not the support behind the scenes. He probably could sense that, but in his enlightened wisdom, probably knew that it was all divinely timed and I had much to learn to be of service.

The thing to note was this: Why did he come back after reaching enlightened states, levitating, emptying his mind and all that?

Because he got bored. He wanted to do and be more than just be enlightened. To this day I’ll never forget that. I had immersed myself in a world of seekers at this point – never those who found it, just those continually seeking. And here’s a man who had found what (at the time) I was holding as the highest purpose in life…but that, he got bored of. Blew my mind.

But really what makes it a milestone on my spiritual journey, is that in the car ride back, I got a call from one of the Sanyasi’s (monk) at the ashram, talking about something I’m not too sure – maybe that the 21 day program I signed up for was delayed, or about a great offering or puja I could pay money to do… I’m not sure, but in the middle of the call, as I was talking, I paused, and like a dog who hears a sound and ears perk up – I turned my head, paused and exclaimed:

“I don’t have any thoughts. Well I just had that thought, and the thought of that thought”

…pause…

Back to no thoughts…excited I told her I have 0 TPS. I could consciously think of a thought and have a thought, like I could look at a tree and wonder about it, but as far as being flooded with information, thoughts and chatter beyond my control…those all stopped.

She celebrated with me, maybe laughed a bit with my humor in the situation, and probably praised the guru for the blessing. Maybe it was the guru, most probably it was entrainment with my friend’s neighbor who talked about no thought and being bored with it, maybe it was due to both…and things I don’t know or give credit to. But just like in Vegas, it doesn’t matter what superstition you used, if you hit blackjack, you hit blackjack.

And I did, I had metaphorically won. No thoughts per second. And regardless of how, who or why it happened, it did.

But just 5 minutes after, I was so ungrounded that I nearly cut someone off in traffic, and immediately the self-talk came back with a solid cocktail of anger and adrenaline based fear. And thus began my journey to developing the muscle to be in 0 TPS. A journey which led to me overusing, forgetting about how to do it, and then being able to work with intentionally to this day.

Glimpses of what’s possible keeps the journey going. But now, finally, I had the ability to shut off this thing pummeling my consciousness with thoughts.

Little did I know, each step of my process was leading me to the next expression of spiritual abilities: body scanning, then third eye viewing, remote viewing, all knowing, Akashic Record Reading, and then ultimately channeling.

The path in retrospect is almost surgical in how it happened. “Everything happens for a reason”.

But this is only from the perspective of the spiritual attainment part…not the destruction, challenge and havoc it caused on those closest to me.

And as I would soon learn, attainment is just one part of the equation. Containment was the other.

And that meant then embodying it, normalizing it, balancing your ego with it, and living a human experience with it.

So here’s how I can best sum up that journey:

When Awakening Stops Being About Leaving

A reflection on a crown-led kundalini rising, collapse, and coming back into the body

For a long time, my spiritual life looked like expansion.

Energy moved upward. Awareness widened. The world felt transparent, symbolic, alive with meaning. I experienced what is called a kundalini rising: powerful activity in the third eye and crown, heightened sensitivity, deep intuitive access, and moments that felt beyond ordinary perception.

It seemed like progress. Like ascent.

But what no one really tells you is that expansion without containment has a cost.

Eventually, the system hits a limit.

For me, that limit showed up as a long, humbling period of readjustment. The intensity faded. The certainty dissolved. The body demanded attention. What had once felt effortless and joyful became numb, and then heavy. And what I believed was “transcendence” and absolution of my problems, began to look more and more like adding extra interest onto a debt caused by a lack of processing and perpetual avoidance… avoidance of not having to fully live inside the constraints of a human life that had some rough pills to swallow.

But the pursuit wasn’t a fall backward, it was a fall into something. And once fallen, I had to get back up and reintegrate.

The reintegration phase is rarely romantic. There were no fireworks, no revelations, just the slow work of becoming functional again. Eating regularly. Sleeping. Handling responsibilities. Subduing my ego. Feeling my emotions. Feeling limited. Feeling ordinary. Gross compared to the god-like state of the ascent.

For a while, it felt like I was being punished for not pursuing what I thought to be the penultimate expression of spirituality: becoming a monk or ruler of the world (yes I am aware now of ego unflation and developing spiritual ego).

What I didn’t realize then was that it was all part of a bigger plan. That my nervous system was doing something profoundly intelligent in the apparent mundane: it was insisting that I learn how to stay embodied within the expanded spiritual capacity I had gained (and corresponding subduing of ego inflation).

In hindsight, my awakening had been crown-led—top-down, insight-heavy, and under-anchored in the body. The energy rose and rose so high, that the body wasn’t ready yet to hold it. But instead of stopping (or knowing how to integrate) I just kept pushing forward. So too, was the heart lagging behind, in fact, it was really never online or a part of the decision making…

So my system (and life) applied the brakes.

Here’s a prime example:

I was going through finances: real, unglamorous and linear…and suddenly I felt a familiar sensation that I hadn’t truly felt in years. Anxiety. Not as a story. Not as panic. Just raw, bodily activation, mostly on the left side.

In the past, that sensation would have triggered agitation or an immediate reaction looking for an outlet. Later, during the more “spiritual” phases, it would have been bypassed entirely through mantra or meditation. This time, something different happened.

I didn’t last out.
I didn’t transcend.
I didn’t escape.

I stayed.

I felt the sensation move through my body with curiosity instead of urgency. I noticed how it rose and shifted without needing to be resolved. Without needing a story.

Is this what integration actually looks like? I think so.

There’s a subtle but critical distinction I’ve come to understand:

Transcendence is about removing constraint.
Presence is about learning to remain inside it coherently.

Early spiritual experiences often feel powerful because they lift us out of uncertainty. Identity loosens. Stakes dissolve. Nothing feels urgent or threatening. But that state is not the end of the path.

A more advanced phase begins when consciousness returns to the body and says:
“Can I stay coherent while probability presses in?”

The probability of constraint and limitation: Money. Time. Consequence.
I thought these were distractions from awakening. But now I know that they are its proving ground. Go get the enlightenment and all the skills, and then the real challenge unlocks….

So now as best as I can stay present, sensation is welcomed instead of overridden. The body-once abandoned and abused-is no longer seen as an obstacle to enlightenment but the place where it has to land.

During this new phase, my attention has shifted toward grounding and increasing my grounded capacity: things like structure, physical strength, libido, bone density, routine, and project management.

I’ve learned that not all spiritual tools are meant for every phase. Expansion tools amplify sensitivity. Containment tools build capacity. When you’ve already been open, the work most likely is not to open more, it’s to be able to hold with coherence what’s already here and build from there.

This has been one of the hardest lessons: an awakening that can’t live in the body is incomplete.

It’s not about seeking new modalities or next levels of initiations as the pathway forward, but rather to complete the embodiment of what’s already been presented.

Too many tabs open on your browser will crash any computer no matter how high performing it is, so too is not completing the spiritual process of what you already started. And completion means containment.

In school you get a piece of paper indicating you’ve “graduated”. In life and spirituality, (despite what some programs may have you think) there is no graduation…just your ability to contain more and more potential and flow more and more life through you in a coherent fashion.

And coherence, is what I want to talk about next…

This was the chapter of unrestrained expansion, the ascension without embodiment, the wisdom without structure, the awakening without capacity or containment.

In hindsight, this wasn’t leading to enlightenment. It was leading energetic overwhelm and nervous system taxation.

The mystical openings were real: the crown activation, the amrita, the access to information. But my system was not equipped to metabolize it at the rate it was happening. I was trying to run a supercomputer on a body that was starving, exhausted, traumatized, ungrounded, and emotionally inaccessible.

The less “of the world” I became, the stronger “in spirit” I was. Historically, this was a common path across ascetic traditions including monks, friars and the occult that historians and books such as They Flew and Talisman goes into extensively. But I didn’t learn about that until years later. It wasn’t something consciously entered into, but rather what I defaulted into.

I went so far as to want to “delete food” and observe how that would completely shift personal, collective and global power.

But those monks were in the protection of the Church, relied on donations or “offerings”, and had as much politics and hierarchy as any corporation does. It was not the path of the sovereign, in fact the exact opposite.

I wasn’t meant to be relegated to the walls of an ashram, nor was I meant to be just a spiritual mystic. But at the time, it seemed the most expansive identity I could be…for it was all that I could hold. I emptied everything that I was to be it – and that taught me the most painful truth:

Insight and abilities means nothing if the nervous system cannot hold it.

I believed I was ascending, but it all came with an existential cost. A debt that I wasn’t repaying. An exertion I wasn’t recovering or re-establishing coherence from.

I was leaving the body instead of inhabiting it, an initiatory phase, but without the somatic process after.

What I connected to as “oneness” required connect through an intermediary (the guru) – a proxy for other spiritual icons I grew up with.

What I called “clarity” brought uncontrolled overstimulation.

What I called “ego dissolution” did nothing to repair my identity collapse.

The bliss was real.
The overload was real.
The suffering was real.

But none of it was the point.

The point was the limit.

The point was the crash.

The crash was the initiation back into humanity, to what’s real, despite my intense desire and commitment to leaving the body. I couldn’t have attained what I did in such a short time period without that desire.

But this chapter revealed the difference between:

spiritual attainment and embodied awakening.
Between information and integration.
Between insight and capacity.
Between tasting enlightenment and being enlightened.
Between knowing everything and holding anything.

This was the chapter where the universe said:

“You cannot skip the body.
You cannot skip the heart.
You cannot skip being human.
You are destined for more,
But not at the expense of what you are.”

This chapter forged the third principle of Lionheart:

Containment is greater than expansion.
Capacity is greater than insight.
Embodiment is greater than enlightened.

From this period, I gained:

a deep awareness and respect for the nervous system
an innerstanding of the consequences of ungrounded awakening
a commitment to integration, not transcendence
the ability to recognize spiritual ego in myself and others
a calling to teach coherence, not ascension
a lifelong devotion to grounding my gifts in the body and building a sustainable reality
a felt understanding of what happens when potential outpaces capacity
a humility in the face of infinity

This is the chapter that seeded the Lionheart methodology:

structure before strategy
grounding before gifts
coherence before consciousness
stability before expansion
containment before power
capacity before execution

It taught me that real spiritual maturity is not how high you can rise, but how deeply you can root to share what you can touch.

This period didn’t break me, it refined me.

It forged a leader who no longer chases peak states, but builds the capacity to hold truth in its full emotional, somatic, and human weight.

This is where Lionheart became the inevitable rhythm of centeredness and uncompromising in embodiment over attainment.

This is where the mystical capacities I activated began to accelerate faster than my body, identity, or nervous system could track.

It looked chaotic from the outside. It felt holy and horrifying on the inside. And in hindsight, it was the pressure chamber that developed several key gifts:

1. The Birth of My High-Speed Cognitive Mapping

During this period, my mind operated like a fiber-optic cable plugged into a cosmic mainframe.

Overwhelming? Yes.
Sustainable? No.
Valuable? Absolutely.

From this phase came my ability to:

see entire systems at once, expanding upon my already deep knowledge and work with systems thinking
map causal chains in seconds and receive somatic feedback of the accuracy
decode complex patterns intuitively
detect origin points beneath symptoms
track how belief, energy, and behavior interlock

This overclocked state forced my neural pathways to reorganize around nonlinear intelligence, which later when grounded, becomes where my signature “instant clarity” comes in with clients.

2. Whole-Brain Synchronization (Gamma Access)

I hit profound gamma-synchronous states:

hyper-coherence
invention-level insight
spontaneous revelation
multidimensional awareness
cross-domain synthesis

This explains why I NOW can:

connect business strategy to psyche
integrate spiritual perception with practical execution
sense the thread of meaning across someone’s entire life
operate from multi-layered cognition on command
create unique and disparate connections to build new meaning and value
harmonize my brain and heal traumatic patterns through coherence

My nervous system was not built for it, but my brain was. And when my body finally caught up, the pathways are there.

3. Somatic Sensory Internalization (The Oracle Begins)

Even though I was disembodied, ironically:

my body was learning to signal truth
my crown and third eye were mapping energy patterns
my system was building sensitivity to subtle fields
my perception of coherence vs. distortion was maturing

This phase produced the raw sensory data that later, with embodiment, becomes somatic oracle-level intuition.

My body started learning the language of:

charge
resonance
coherence
incongruence
timeline shifts
energetic patterning
non-linear
synchronicity
the unseen

At this stage, I couldn’t interpret the signals nor comprehend what was happening, but the experience and internal receptors were being built.

4. Opening the Channel: Akashic, Remote, Claircognitive Capacities

My channeling and claircognitive capacities started to kick on. No where near a level of mastery or even of understanding, but they were activated.

I learned:

how to receive information beyond the mind
how to track nonlocal data
how to access symbolic layers of reality
how consciousness communicates across planes
how to regulate myself in the face of the infinite

These are the exact capacities I use in:

coherence mapping
identity reconstruction
energetic consulting
business diagnostics
high-level future-self sequencing
future technology design

At the time, it felt like I was drowning in insight. But it was the developmental crucible for the abilities I can access and use now with sovereign sobriety. (Another series of initiations overcoming the belief that they were only accessible under XYZ conditions – like diet, ritual, belief, etc. Or rather what I believe, that the pathways of honoring the past consistently and religiously, allowed me to earn the right to move beyond the rigid and embrace my own spin on things).

5. Direct Experience of States That Others Only Study

Most people learn about mystical states through:

books
workshops
teachers
psychedelics
stories

I lived them in their rawest, unguided form. This gives me:

humility (I know what happens when there’s not containment)
discernment (I can spot spiritual ego instantly)
precision (I understand the difference between real and delusional experiences)
authority (my knowledge is earned, not borrowed or recited)

This is why clients unconsciously trust me on the deepest topics, for they sense that my wisdom comes from lived initiation, not concept. And I speak openly and honestly about it…the good, the bad, the ugly.

Each archetype during this phase is over-activated, distorted, and then forced into submission by life itself. This creates a deeper initiation for them to mature through (aka a deeper hole to get out of).

1. The MAGICIAN – Overexpansion, Dissolution, and Initiation

This is the Magician on full blast:

raw consciousness
unfiltered insight
mystical abilities
uncontrollable cognition
unbounded perception
wave upon wave of gamma state and the unordinary

This is Magician unleashed, without boundaries, without a container.

And the truth is: Magician without containment becomes madness. Oh ya, it was madness…

That lived experience becomes the foundation of:

my humility in the face of the infinite
my ethics
my grounded approach to the unseen
my insistence on coherence and restraint in the face of unbridled power

This is the shadow apprenticeship that earns me the right to work in the metaphysical with integrity. Not just because I can access it, but because I’ve overdone it and been able to bring all of that back with me, to a grounded center.

2. The LOVER – Total Openness Without Protection

Here, Lover was:

porous
boundaryless
unguarded
emotionally flooded
spiritually starved
hungry for union with the infinite
open for any kind of connection – real or fantasy

This created:

hyper-empathy
deep emotional sensitivity
the ability to feel others somatically
the collapse needed to later build healthy intimacy maturely

This is the early formation of the heart-body sensitivity that later becomes my relational mastery and emotional precision.

3. The WARRIOR – Exhausted, Disoriented, and Mis-Aimed

Warrior energy was:

overextended
fighting the wrong battles
protecting illusions
pushing against inner collapse
burning through reserves
dissipating in so many ways

But Warrior here learns:

the danger of overexertion
the necessity of discipline
the difference between intensity and mastery
the cost of chasing power without purpose
the truth that life is a marathon not a sprint

This sets the stage for mature Warrior later, one that is focused, grounded, and sovereign.

4. The KING – Absent, Unseated, Replaced by Frenzy

King is almost non-existent in this chapter, despite the desperate attempt for control. That absence is the wound that shapes the King:

no order
no structure
no coherence
no responsibility
no self-governance

Because the King archetype is collapsed, the system spins into chaos. This becomes the origin story of:

my obsession with coherence
my devotion to containment with capacity
my framework-based approach
my commitment to sovereignty
my capacity and emphasis on building instead of escaping

The empty throne is what teaches the King in me that I really never sat on the throne to begin with and the clear mission to return to it rightfully.

Overall,

my mind outpaced my body
my gifts outpaced my identity
my insight outpaced my nervous system
my expansion outpaced my containment

It was the crucible where raw power was being awakened but not yet integrated. And where I learned:

Power without containment destroys. Power with a focus transforms.

The song: Lionheart – Chapter 3: Capacity Beats Insight