Long after the excitement of starting something new and long before there’s celebration by others, there’s this part in my journey, “in-between.” It’s written about often, but doesn’t make for catchy viral trends.
Show how hard it was. Talk about the boring middle. The uncertainty. The “it kinda works” but something’s not clicking. The “are you still trying to make your silly idea work”. And the “how much longer are you going to give it until you give up and go get a real job.”
Welcome to the In-Between.
Where you’ve never worked harder, been able to handle so much, and yet it seems like you were doing better in the beginning. The Love bombing of the universe gave you those early wins. They’re baked into every person’s network – it’s often why you started it. Those in your network wanting you to start it, offer it. The synchronicities lining up to get you clients.
Social media is full of them. Heck, I used to preach it. The universe opening up and clients come your way. It is the milestone of the fool. Without it, you’d never take the risky steps. With it, you feel you can go on indefinitely…whatever it takes.
And then bread crumbing stage. You’re learning and building. Where’s the next lead? The next client? Just enough to keep you going. Not enough to let you pause.
My intention isn’t to glorify the pain and suffering, but it is to be honest about it. Now if you haven’t started anything yet…don’t read this. Go read the hype, excitement and possibility to begin. Without beginning, this means nothing. And to be clear, it’s worth beginning. So turn back now, and listen to people telling you why it’s the best decision of your life.
(To me the pattern seems similar to parents talking about having a child…beautiful, painful, must-do, hardest thing).
Flashy lights, cool co-working spaces, press releases….and then silence. Generate an ROI. Build a cash-flowing business. That’s different than asking the universe for abundance in the form of miracles every month when rent’s due.
It’s about building something that lasts, that sustains your highs and your lows. That no longer relies upon you…you being high-performing, and even you being there. Something that your clients, feedback and the market guide you to evolve into.
And that’s where I’ve been in these past 5 years. Behind my desk, working away in iterative loops of build-measure-learn. Entering the unknown and mistakenly ignoring learning from the known.
Each client presented a different approach, a different angle, and a cascading series of new information, strategy and framework. These cycles of upgrade-integrate-operate coming at a pace as fast as I have the capacity for…and then some. Whatever was needed. Channeled right before-hand, whiteboarded the week before, created live in-session. Fully committing to delivering the best results, fully connecting to the gifts.
Each session, each week building a brick that gets placed on the road to glory, to the Total Life of Joy. Revealed, expressed, pressure tested, revised, retested, applied, next brick. The gift of Victoria was that she essentially played the role of ops solidifier. I could channel it, pull in the key information in the moment, but she was there to ground it. Once delivered, create a more formalized recording of it. When I started, it was just pieces of paper. The Foundry Process. Carried in my backpack like a kid carries their drawings from art class.
The thing was, that was all I had capacity for. I could deliver it, and after I was exhausted. Full body exhaustion. Only a few times prior to this had I felt as tired. This was like a physical exhaustion of completing a Tough Mudder race with the mental exhaustion of finishing the SAT Exam. Because it often was…maintaining peak performance in an elevated state, opening up the direct access and pathway to the Quantum Field, activating sigils, being hyper present entraining our client to access that state and sustain it as well. To allocate extra bandwidth and power into the collective field we were co-manifesting.
Thanks to the partnership with Victoria, she could help ground things, anchor them in to the relatable and for the most part, hold her own. But often in the beginning, every session kept pushing past the known – and she would have to go with us as well. At first resisting the lack of standardized procedure ahead of time. And of course there was the need for the balancing of air time, leadership and guidance of the process. But where I shined was in going into the unknown with confidence. Hers was witnessing it once, concretizing the process, and being rock solid in the application thereafter.
We made a great team. Except we both maxed out our capacities during these sessions, which meant we had nothing left in the tank to take care of ourselves, to nurture the relationship, to get ahead. We were provided for with miracle clients out of the field, keeping us going, helping us pay rent. But it was always a struggle. And at the time, co-running a co-living/co-working space, we had additional duties around the house and navigating roommates, holding the standard we all agreed to and for many, finding ourselves in an uncompensated, implicit reparenting role. Some appreciated it, some reluctantly accepted it, some fought it, a lot eventually moved on in their lives to the next chapter.
After all was said and done, there was nothing left in our tanks for investing in our relationship. Our states were depleted, and the relationship was constantly challenged. Low vitality brings the toxicity out of even the best people. And we just happened to almost always end up on empty.
In the in-between, I experienced first hand the capacity challenge. From pushing myself as much as I can, with understanding just how limited I am. I had come from high performing corporations, startups and previous consulting business. I knew what it was like to have a lot of capacity, individually and at the organization level.
The knowledge and past experience only haunted me more. If I tried in those moments to cry out for those times of the past and wonder what the difference was, I could see it was my business partner and the fact I was now open to spiritual influence and emotional awareness. Picking at any of those three (regardless of the strategy) was never a winning solution.
I made several mistakes here. The first is that I had previous skills and thought myself at that level, but they weren’t transferrable. I could run a 49 person company, but those skills didn’t translate to running 2. I was also the COO, not the CEO, or co-CEO. It is different at the top. And it also was the culmination of who I am and my mission – not a stepping stone to it.
Another one was projecting my own competencies and standards onto Victoria. She’s a powerhouse and incredibly talented, just in different ways than me. It makes for a great combination, but I was so used to business school peers and those of near identical talents being paraded as diversity of experience. I taught Victoria so much, but much like a dad trying to teach a son, there’s projection and some distortion that creeps in, the kind where you can’t help but think: are you just trying to live vicariously through him, are you trying to make him into a carbon copy of you vs. helping them become the best version of themselves.
So my identity was fractured – unable to see reality, who I had become and what was required of me. I also tried to replicate myself through Victoria. All while at a maxed out capacity and giving it my all – and knowing it was the best I could do, and that that wasn’t good enough for the business, my life, and my relationship.
But bridges were burned, there was no turning back in my mind. And the work – the transformations – were so incredible, the vision kept me going…as did the love for and from Victoria. From the start and during those days, her love and belief in me is what pulled me up and through. The interesting piece, much like the universe tapers off serendipitous clients, the more I started to believe in myself, the less she did.
She challenged me every step on the way to self-leadership and self-mastery. Like a final boss, the moment I seemed ready, the challenge came in with an ominous undertone. I now look at that with immense gratitude. Her holding space, until I could have the strength – and then the moment I had, the weight of all that she carried offloaded – emotionally, mentally, and action-oriented. Could I hold my center, could I keep going, could I do what was needed of me?
In the in-between, it doesn’t look pretty. It’s making it happen however you can. And there were (and are) so many cycles of me stepping into greater capacity, responsibility, and leadership that isn’t pretty. As I get stronger, so too does her challenging to make sure I can lead.
I saw an IG Reel about a lionkeeper in Kenya talk about a similar process – the female wants to make sure that she’s picked a good mate. So there’s often a desire for the male to encounter other males in the wild to prove the toughness and strength. But short of the wild and another male contestant, the female (along with other females of the pride), will gang up and attack and test the male to make sure he’s strong enough. [And usually he’s not, he’s overpowered by all the females attacking, and only intercession by the lionkeeper saves him]
I felt that way too. Some divine intercession. Victoria can go round for round – in fact, a channeled message back in the day came in and said that trying to overpower Victoria’s stubborn will was a waste of energy. True, and also in this primal way, she’s making me stronger and her feel safer.
It’s not going to be a catchy IG Reel to say that, but it’s what I’ve experienced to be true. Can you handle the burden? The load? The test?
Everyday. In every way.
In the in-between, we were like lions kept in a wildlife preserve. Especially with the restrictions of the lock-downs during that time.
If it wasn’t with some aspect of the business, it was our relationship, if not the relationship, it was something to do with the house or other roommates, if not that, then channeling, cooking, homemaking.
I was full on in a Victoria Petrovsky official man-flipping program that she is so well known for. And despite my ignorance at the time, I needed it. I had such a long way to go – and she and the universe kept me maxed out.
Now with clients, I can see how little capacity they actually have. And even with most people. The capacity to make a change, do something different, especially if it’s not forced or demanded of them. Raw capacity is the single most important aspect of a person to develop and the most robbed, abused, and unknown.
Potential is the unapplied aspect. A lot is talked about it, celebrated, and idolized. Potential is like the pre-start to the journey. Results, proof, evidence is often the end of that journey.
But capacity, capacity is the in-between. It’s what turns potentiated action into results.
What I wish I knew then that I know now is this ability to assess, understand and expand capacity.
I learned about the difference between flow and will powered force. I thought the universe would take care of me if I just gave everything over to it. That if I just allowed myself to surrender, things would work out. But it put me constantly at this wall. There’s a difference between when the action is something you want to do, or are willing to do and when it’s new, hard, uncomfortable. Both are flow, but the second one is flow using will power to do the thing you’re uncomfortable about but you recognize it’s time. Versus pure willpower force is over powering to do something that skips a step somewhere.
I was in one extreme or another. Pure surrendered, feminine flow -> disaster for me. Fun time, amazing unknowns and experiences. Horrible for building a foundation. And then pure disciplined, committed masculine will power. A waste of energy that I didn’t even have. It’s like spending on credit card at a fancy restaurant with no income – and then getting sick after. Like what did I do? I don’t have the energy to begin with. It didn’t get me anywhere. And yet somehow I’m even more tired and more depleted than before with even less time to try and figure out a solution.
But then if I just did “flow” I’d crash after each session and take the rest of the day off. That was success in my book. It was the minimum. And Victoria rightfully wasn’t going to have any of it.
And while I definitely took the energetic burden and load in the client sessions, it didn’t matter. It was the minimum to stay where we were – not what was required to get us to the next level.
Welcome to the in-between. Where you’re in a lose-lose situation, and the only option is expand your capacity.
And so how can I expand my capacity? Just like working out – first be aware of it, then be intentional with it, and finally be even better at quickly recovering capacity.
And that’s where I learned that you have to take care of your state and self, not just focus on service. A few repetitions in, and I could muster a 15 minute debrief session with Victoria before I crapped out. Either answered something short with her, picked a fight, maybe she did, or the nervous system and weight I was feeling in my body felt crushing to the point not even laying on a couch to debrief would work.
And bless her heart, that’s when Victoria jumped in more. Organizing, planning, next steps, ideating follow-up messages and the next module to do. I’m in and out of consciousness exhausted answering her questions. And she wouldn’t stop until she got what she needed – what we needed in order to move things forward.
Holding space, entraining others, channeling for hours at a time (sometimes up to 8 hours), was brutal. David Hawkins explains what happens to people at a certain LOC (Peace) and the pain it causes. I don’t have a definitive marker of the states I was tapping into, but they all matched his level 600 Peace.
Only for me to collapse right after.
This LOC energetic workout is what allowed me to accelerate my growth and transform so much. Coupled with Victoria helping to stabilize the foundation and co-lead. She was going through just as much transformation as I was in her own ways.
And in this in-between phase, it would just be months of these cycles – build a program, be fully present, expand capacity – review with Victoria and turn a 3-star delivery into a 4-star for the next client. Integrate even more concepts, awareness, processing and skills, recover, get feedback, deliver a 5-star version.
But we never stopped at a 5-star version of a program. It always led to the next program itself. A 6-month transformation…now do it in 6 weeks. Now do it in a 6 hour full day intensive.
Great, now expand into a different avatar with different needs, not as much foundational knowledge as the previous client so that you can see what you just took advantage of and didn’t realize the client already had.
We started with an incredible first client, Chirag. Self-disciplined, self-motivated, and entrepreneurial with his businesses already running- a true high performer. Augmenting, healing, facilitating and amplifying what he needed for his transformation was challenging enough. But then we encountered our next clients who we thought were like him, but with one or more foundational pillars absent: no current business, not actually entrepreneurial, not self-motivated, not self-disciplined, had a lot of the past to heal before even understanding the self, overwhelmed state to even think about the self.
Each program seemed like the capstone transformation. Great, let’s copy and paste this. Scale it up and finally stabilize our lives. And each time, we realized we had just scratched the surface.
Human transformation is challenging. And it’s that very thing that helped us develop our 6S Pathway. One client transformation at a time.
I had always been convinced since the origination of the term came through that we were helping with peoples’ Total Lives of Joy. The exact opposite of what advice is these days: narrow down, focus, specific avatar. And I knew it was ambitious but it was the totality of what we are here to do.
I had been into self-development for years and had been creating the essence of our programs with myself. But the challenge was in each key word in that phrase. What does total mean? What about life? And what’s Joy? And how the heck can we promise this?
We converted the garage in our place and setup a massive 6 foot by 4 foot whiteboard wall paper. And I just whiteboarded like crazy. Ideas, concepts, frameworks. We did this for years. Then moved and setup another one right in the middle of the living room. Instead of a TV, we had a whiteboard. Thousands of hours mapping, ideating, distilling, testing, refining, applying.
Everything in this business was chiseled by work and effort. From transformations to modules to frameworks to even words and phrases. We created our own ecosystem of reality. A lexicon that empowered our clients to transform.
And as for me and my capacity, I had to eventually carve out my life force from complete dedication to our clients and to the work. I had to redefine the word service. I was doing service. I had always been doing service. But what I was missing was “terms” of service. I was just giving, giving, giving with no explicit compensation or duration that allowed me to fill my cup.
So I was offering “service” when I really am supposed to be offering “terms of service” (or “offers” with clear start/stop, expectations and remuneration).
Victoria came and helped make that clear. I had to write the contracts, carve out the space, and she verified, brought to light the areas that needed more illumination and gave the contracts her sharp eye and claircognizance and intuition of what needed to be added (in as best a way as she knew how – which was often dialed in at a higher level, but grounding into words and specificity became the added work).
For those years of waking up, giving it my all, maxing out, recovering, doing it over again day-in and day-out, I couldn’t have had it any other way. This profession, mission and opportunity required it. I’ve been behind a desk working non-stop for over 7 years on this.
We tried bringing in a VA to help, didn’t work. Luckily AI has arrived and makes things so much easier to delegate that can be delegated – with no internet speed, connection or misinterpretation issues.
But what I wish I had, was our Coherence MAP process back then. This multi-point diagnostic to help me with my fractured identity, with my capacity, and with the understanding what my bottleneck really was in growing the business. With its assessment it’s fairly obvious – but I was completely blind to it…unknowningly or willingly.
I had built up my capacity, but I hadn’t fully taken responsibility for the whole business. The product – yes – and many areas of it. But my fractured identity, my unintegrated narrative, and my core entrepreneurial wounds created a perfect combo where I prevented myself from taking responsibility of marketing. An issue I see so many entrepreneurs have these days. And as a result, our revenue…and most importantly…our impact on the world suffered all these years.
And I’m just one specific archetype of an entrepreneur – the product oriented builder. There are 4 other archetypes at this stage where a person may find themselves in.
I just wished it hadn’t taken years for me to realize. If you find yourself In-Between, and would like to know where you are and how to actually get to the next step, then email me clifton@facesofthefuture.io