Moving to NYC and attending Columbia Business School has definitely been a catalyst to my learning, self-development, and life. I am so happy and blessed to be out here in the city that never sleeps, soaking it all in. Learning as much as I can, eating what I want and when I want it–through one of 5+ delivery apps, and meeting whomever and trying whatever adventure stumbles into the big apple.
It’s also been a very selfish time. A time where in the midst of millions, deep-felt connections and responsibilities to others have tended to take a back seat. Perhaps in a sense you feel a connection towards your co-workers for your career, your roommates for your living situation, and potentially even volunteering for your humanity, but there’s still something missing.
Perhaps if you’ve found and are fully satisfied with your significant other here, and aren’t distracted by the numerous attempts to not be, then you might have found it. But for me, all this lacks a certain type of feeling, familial love.
You might be aware of the classic four types of love Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape.
Philia and Eros run rampant here, and agape is an always continuing process.
What has been missing is storge.
And while classifications might force us to fit filters of reality onto life that don’t quite work, the 4 types of love helps me get to my point.
This past month I have been traveling. First back home to LA and then to meet my family (who ironically were not at home) for a family vacation. If you’ve followed or read my previous posts/social media, the pictures gave glimpses to the experience.
And while the internet is moving increasingly towards pictoral story-telling, a picture sometimes just doesn’t capture the essence of the experience like words can.
And the essence in this case is familial love. Amidst the long flights, great food and wine, occasional need for alone time, laughter and adventures, one thing remained through it all: familial love.
It was something I had rarely experienced since moving to NYC, except perhaps briefly reminded for a few 30 minute calls to home here and there.
It was something I was missing. A wonderful feeling to be immersed in all its energy.
Of stopping the family to get your older sister who normal wears scrubs each day to try on a dress and see her reaction of disbelief as she looks in the mirror at her stunning self. Watching with a big smile knowing that she was finally willing and wanting to be vulnerable to the world and show not just her inner beauty and strength to a select few who got to know her, but also to manifest it through external means for all to see and experience.
Of seeing your little sister who normally shuts down from family interactions hiding behind a book inside, push through the pain and discomfort of riding a bike for the first time in many years up a steep hill; of struggling and dealing with embarrassment, but still continued, pushed through, and finished strong. Witnessing her growth and development as an adult to push her comfort zone and explore what the world has to offer.
Of talking passionately with your father, engaged in meaningful discourse rather than just passively listening to a lecture-based monologue. Looking upon him with awe and respect for his collected knowledge and appreciating his experience, knowing your experience may never lead to the same conclusions he has made.
Of seeing the smile on your mother’s face when you ask her to dance with you, despite you not knowing exactly how to –with such an old song playing. Being both the dutiful son and helpful shoulder to lean upon.
Of worrying more about the family and their happiness than your own.
Of hugging for both hellos and goodbye-for-nows.
And of course, of eating far more food and gelato in one week than one should in an entire year.
It was a beautiful trip, one in which my grandfather would be happy to know that his Life by Design was still being carried out, many years posthumously. That is, to preserve familial love through time together immersed in adventures, endearingly called family vacation.
I am now back in NYC and happy to embrace all that it is with the added energy and memories of my family’s love.
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