This site is and has always been about delivering quality content that you the reader find valuable. This means ultimately that it’s a testing ground. After talking with many of you, I’ve decided to try something new here with the intention that it pulls together even more value and pushes my own comfort level.
I understand not everyone has the time to read through the full details of my book summaries. I also know (myself included) that sometimes watching a video is far more entertaining and immersive than reading.
Therefore, I’m experimenting with my Wednesday posts on two things:
- I will make a Top 10 list of takeaways from the book for those who need a TLDR portion and/or those who just want the key points and don’t need the backup/support. Shall we just call them, Cliff’s Notes? I think so…
- I have teamed up with Dano Marr and some fellow guests to provide you with entertaining yet succinct videos on the topic of the week that provide additional stories and insights
As always, please let me know what you think and how I can make these posts even more valuable to you.
Sincerely,
Clifton S. Smith, III
*************Onto this week’s topic*************
This past weekend I attended a networking event for The Technology, Innovation and Entrepreneurship Group at NYUMed (TIE @NYUMed)…a long winded name that represents innovation in the medical space at NYU. It was an intimate setting with a diverse set of people from Columbia, NYU, Mt. Sinai and more.
During this event, an interaction with one of the nurses there caught my attention and reminded me of some of the lessons learned from the e-book and program: Empower Your Language.
Watch as Dano and I discuss how thoughts become your destiny, the good and bad of self-talk, and more….
Cliff’s Notes on Empower Your Language
1. Thoughts become the stories you tell yourself which become your identity which shapes your actions which creates your destiny
2. Abracadabra: with my words I create thoughts (which leads ultimately to destiny)
3. Spell is the combination of our language, mental imagery and energy
4. Energy is the quality and volume of your emotions and feelings; it’s, how you feel
5. Victim mentality: a learned trait where regard self as victim of negative actions of others even without evidence in which learned helplessness in which negations, projections, soft language reside
6. Architect mentality: a person who oversees themselves and often supervises their construction and development; that is one who looks for ways to be empowered with affirmations, reflections and solid language
7. Implied responsibility is the presupposition that I am the cause of someone else’s actions and feelings, which is wrong, only you have responsibility to your own actions and feelings
8. To help others, emphasize changing negation to affirmation and add a question at the end to lead them (ex. “I don’t want to be alone”…ask them, “what do you want?”) and flip (“I don’t want to get sick this winter”…say, “So you want to stay healthier. What are some things you can do for that?”)
9. Blame and gossip are reliable ways to exhaust yourself emotionally and sour your reputation and actions
10. Soft language can be used to keep the peace and avoid confrontation, but remove it to set boundaries and declare your personal presence. You have the power to change how you feel, and you have the right to feel empowered.
| How often can you replace… | …with empowering language? |
|---|---|
| I should; I ought to | I will; I choose to |
| I need to | It’s important to me to |
| I have to | I choose to; I want to |
| I can’t | I am not willing to |
| I’ll try to | I will; I intend to; I aim to; I commit to |
| I should have [done] | Next time I can; Next time I will |
| but | and |
| I am just; I am only | I am |
| You know; like | [nothing needed] |
| kind of; sort of | [nothing needed] |
| I would like to say/acknowledge/do | [just make the statement; these prefaces diminish it] |
Full Summary
- Language: internal and external dialogue
- Thoughts–>stories–>identity–>actions–>destiny
- Improve thoughts……ultimately improve your destiny
- Abracadabra: with my word I create thoughts–> you create destiny
- Spell = our language + our mental imagery + our energy
- As powerful as constantly saying to someone “you’re lazy” will be like a spell cast on that person to be lazy
- Spoken word or form of words held to have magic powers
- Magic = extraordinary power of influence seemingly from supernatural source
- Something that seems to cast a spell
- Imagination: act of forming a mental image of something not present to the sense or never before wholly perceived in reality
- Creative ability
- Ability to confront and deal with a problem
- Energy: quality and volume of your emotions and feelings
- How you feel
- Humans have the power to create their emotions and feelings (energy)
- Identity: story of ourselves, what we attach to, how we define and describe ourselves, what we believe in and act upon
- Every relationship formed, action taken is an expression of your story
- Can be revised and reinvented
- The fact of being whom or what a person or thing is
- The habit of being who or what a person thinks they are
- Throughout life we actively create and recreate our identity
- It is an interactive process: ex. “change my mind” “reinvent myself”
- Metaphysically speaking, our identity is created through an amalgamation of 3 interrelated, interconnected elements fueled by consciousness
- 3 elements: language, imagination, and energy
- Change one element, 2 are bound to follow
- Change language you use
- Lot use negative language = destructive patterns = victim
- Identity Creation: imagination, language, and energy working all together
- Change language you use
- Change one element, 2 are bound to follow
- 3 elements: language, imagination, and energy
- Syntax: how sentence is constructed
- When change wording of a sentence, change syntax
- Change of syntax changes imagination and energy
- Victim Mentality: an acquired (learned) trait, regard self as victim of negative actions of others
- Think and speak and act as if were the case: even without evidence
- Habitual thought process
- Learned and maintained
- Think and speak and act as if were the case: even without evidence
- Learned helplessness: result of victim mentality
- Victim mentality language pyramid: Negations, Projections, Soft Language
- Characteristics of a victim: enjoys telling others their problem, craves sympathy
- Takes things way personally, blames people and outside circumstances
- Avoids taking chances and responsibility, lack initiative, stubborn to change
- Things Victims say: It’s not my fault, It’s all your fault, look at what they did to me, why should I even try, I can’t do anything about it anyways, If they would just leave me alone, what’s the use, that would never work for me, nothing ever does, I don’t deserve this
- Architect Mentality: a person who oversees themselves and often supervises their construction and development
- Learned and maintained
- Architect Mentality Language Pyramid: Affirmations, reflections, solid language
- Difference between disempowering and empowering ideas = victim vs. architect
- Characteristics of architect: look for reasons why can do things, know they’re responsible for own happiness and well being, takes action, knows when to let go, uses time wisely, self-affirming, self-appreciating, can laugh at own stories/mistakes, enjoys achievements, looks for resolution
- Things they say: I’m excited to see how we can make this happen. I embarrassed myself. I am sorry, I can see how I can do things better next time, When can we get started, if they can do it so can I, how can we make this work better, I can improve that behavior
- Negations: cause more problems than most might think
- If focus all time on “don’t what can expect but to go there
- What wasn’t, isn’t, and won’t be (past, present, and future)
- If focus all time on “don’t what can expect but to go there
- Vision Board: corkboard to put pictures of things they want to manifest in their life
- Don’t put thing you don’t want on there, so why talk that way
- Affirmation: focus on what was, is and will be (past, present, and future)
- Includes all aspects of everything, both painful and pleasurable
- Much more truthful to past and present
- Engages imagination and enhances energy
- Initial setup of the sentence dictates the rest (imagination and energy)
- Get setup right and rest will follow: I do vs. don’t etc. It is vs. isn’t
- Otherwise imagining the bad/unproductive thing
- Once we imagine, our energy follows sui
- When we say this in a group of people, they all go through same process
- Consider this in working environment when you give a speech and omg
- Negation feeds the victim/perpetrator dynamic
- Great way to make impersonal things personal à Implied responsibility
- When use affirmation: get you closer to the reality of the situation
- However you start describing something, tend to continue that way: negation or affirmation
- Successful people are rarely victims
- Implied responsibility: presupposition that I am cause of someone else’s actions and feelings
- It’s great to be aware and considerate of other’s feelings but problem to habitually take responsibility of others
- Your language can do this automatically
- Like begets like: sharing to sharing, violence to more violence, negation talk to more negation talk
- Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense
- If snap them out of negation: they will react
- We learn negation from our environment
- Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense
- Parents: “I hate repeating myself all the time”
- Partly because always do so in negation and that leads to visualizing which leads to negative energy
- Speak in affirmations and attitudes change = feels good
- I don’t know how to say this…and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…but…”
- I have something important for us to talk about. Is now a good time?
- We shrink to brace ourselves because those phrases reminds us of past conversations that started like that which was painful
- Partly because always do so in negation and that leads to visualizing which leads to negative energy
- Setup words: can, will, have, going to, am, love, deserve, decide, choose want excited to/for
- Reversal: I am not going to hate my body anymore –> I can appreciate my body more
- I don’t want to be so hard on myself anymore –> I will be more self-accepting
- I don’t want to procrastinate –> I can be more self-directed
- I don’t want you to take this the wrong way –> I want you to take this the right way
- I don’t want you to feel bad because –> I want you to feel good because
- Don’t worry about me –> I am fine. Relax
- Don’t be late for work –> Be on time for work
- Don’t want you to feel you have to lie to me à always tell the truth
- Reversal practice: “emphasis” anytime they bring negation, point out and state question in affirmation
- Flipà flip negation sentience to affirmation and add a question at end
- Emphasis: I don’t want to be alone anymore –> that’s what you don’t want. What do you want?
- Flip: I don’t want to get so sick this winter –>so you want to stay healthier. What are some things you can do for that
- Awareness of your negations
- How much of it do I use
- Which ones do I use the most
- When do I use them
- What kind of effect do they have on me
- What happens when I shift 50% of negations to affirmations
- Wait a second or two to rephrase in affirmation
- “How do I say this an affirmation? Vs. Ho do I not say this in negation”
- Steps
- Increase awareness
- Observe Imagination (create mental images and describe those)
- Observe energetic effect it has on you
- Consider the end result –> to have fun
- Projections: negative ones are sneaky and makes people feel like victims
- Psychological defense mechanism –> subconsciously denies his attributes to another person because can’t cope with it
- Reflection: acknowledgement of what I create for myself and my ability to change it
- Projection –> reflection
- They got me drunk –> I got me drunk
- Sentences starting with: he, she, they, you, John, , I …when he
- They perpetuate the perpetrator/victim mindset
- Which kills the energy
- Projection –> reflection
- Arguments that can go on for years are projections on projections
- Perpetuating negative energy which become addictive
- People continue to create massive amounts of drama in their lives
- Gossip—another addiction for an emotional fix
- Addiction: compulsive psychological and physiological need for a habit forming substance
- Condition of being habitually occupied with or involved in something
- Something you can’t stop
- Blame and gossip are reliable ways to exhaust emotionally and sour reputation
- I need to stand up for myself à really means I have to stand up to myself
- You embarrassed me vs. I embarrassed me
- I need to stand up for myself à really means I have to stand up to myself
- Play with syntax –> person’s name, I, myself them
- Offer to help on friend’s projections
- Who is believing my disempowering thoughts
- Who is focusing on the disempowering pictures imagined
- Where are my disempowering feelings
- Who is feeling my feeling
- Who is really disempowering me
- Who has the power to change all of the above::::ME
- Another way to look at it: look at someone who held a grudge for years, what has it done for him
- Pain, confusion, disempowerment…so avoid it
- Projections covertly rob people of their understanding
- Soft language: slows people’s evolution and maturation by helping them prolong important decisions and taking responsibility for their lives
- Like, maybe, perhaps, I guess, feel like, I think, probably, I could be, it’s almost like I am…etc.
- I guess I might be procrastinating vs. I am procrastinating
- Typically adds extra identification which defers some responsibility to 2nd I
- Creates wiggle room…I guess I…
- Solid language: direct, confrontational, reliable feedback with clearer image and energy
- Boosts imagination and energy
- Change soft to solid to bring up/highlight other, underlying issues that is the root/cause not the symptom
- I guess, I think I, Maybe I, Perhaps I, I might, I kind of…
- Soft language perpetuates itself just like negations and projections
- We have our own internal lie detector, so if say something solid language, focus on the feeling to see if rings true or not
- Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to fix them
- Soft language is not professional: I think I can be on time, I guess I want the promotion
- People use soft language to avoid acknowledging their talents
- You try to protect others from their insecurities
- Soft language also used to “keep the peace” and avoid confrontational and retaliation
- Remove it to set boundaries and declare personal presence
- Focus on catching 50% of the time this happens and amazing things will follow
- Practical way of properly informing yourself about yourself and situations you create
- People use soft language to avoid acknowledging their talents
You must be logged in to post a comment.