In the Law of Attraction, there’s a concept called being a vibrational match to the intended outcome, the result you’re looking for. If you’re a match, it will come automatically, like an algorithmic magnet pulling you to that destination. You can see it in Super Bowl winning teams, stories they pick out, the “what it took to get here” concepts. Hidden in those PR and marketing pieces, you can – if you’re open to it – understand. The “winners mindset” “mamba mentality” – not the “fake it till you make it” but the believe first then reality reflects….

Well it’s not quite that easy, it’s more like you lock onto a specific goal, and then you are presented with specific opportunities, challenges, and decisions – that if you persist and follow-through, you end up there. Like a series of levels in a video game – Super Mario – where you’re on a journey and you can either move forward or fail. And luckily, life reroutes you and gives you a few extra tries if you are intense enough in your declaration and desire for the outcome.

Why do I go into this? Besides having it be a part of what I’ve learned and train our clients to achieve untold levels of success and their Total Life of Joy, it’s because I experienced this on over drive on the way to the 21-Day Paramashivoham Program in 2018-2019.

Instead of it being my own will power and desire to get me to be a “vibrational match”, I had a whole team of monks “causing my reality.” Helping me get there. I offered additional monetary support (which I really didn’t have at the time but found a way) to get even more “blessings” and I had the guru’s blessing.

What does that mean? It means that the paranormal happens – that I was a little character being controlled by so many other, more powerful beings, helping me become the vibrational match that my reality seemed like a continuous episode of the Twilight Zone. The oddest things were happening and at such an accelerated rate. Family dynamics, job opportunities, random Youtube videos to watch, books to read, people I engaged with – created a pressure cooker of transformation. I intending to be a vibrational match for the program, and boy did I have a lot of things to “move through” in order to do so.

Consider it like someone signing up to run a triathalon and fully committing to completing it. It’s on a specific day, and you start to train. Usually months in advance, and you hopefully have some kind of athleticism before you sign up. If you don’t, then the need to get ready to finish is that much more strenuous. In the case of Paramashivoham, it is something that most likely takes years to acclimate to (it was/is their most prestigious and rigorous program they offered and many who signed up actually wouldn’t make it – for various reasons). By comparison, it was like I signed up for a triathalon, declared to be ready and I didn’t know how to swim, ride a bike and I was still recovering from a torn hamstring…but I had a full team of experts determined to get me ready…could you imagine the intensity of transformation needed?

I use this analogy to help explain the chaos. Because otherwise I’d be bouncing from one unusual story and encounter to another. And actually, this through-line and understanding brings resolution to me (and with our clients who go through various levels of this). I was brought through all that I needed to in order to be a vibrational match…I just didn’t realize how far away I was from being a match.

I thought it would be like a cool vacation, skills training, or yoga retreat that I’ve been to in Bali…or at the very worst, training to take a test like the SAT or GMAT, or even when I hiked the Rocky Mountains for 10 days…nope.

Those were all external things provided in my reality, mini-games, tests, rides of life that entertained, were externally created, or achievable with a clear definition of success, definition of done.

This was internal, existential, and unknown. I wasn’t told what it would be like – in grounded terms. I had no benchmark assessment to start with, no baseline from where to improve from, no strategy or roadmap breaking down what I needed to accomplish or do. No arena or gym to step into denoting that I was working on it…it was life, 24/7 happening to become that vibrational match. Things needed to be stripped away and at the same time added. Relationships needed to be recalibrated, ended, and begun. Understandings about life, frameworks, experiences needed to be had, and pre-req “classes” needed to be attended. And my body needed to transform. It was a full overhaul – Extreme Makeover – Identity Edition.

I’m so grateful for my “causers” who had patience and perseverance when I didn’t. Who showed me what’s possible, who (I think) believed in me to get there when, as I’ve mentioned previously, I could barely get out of bed or make myself a calorically void meal of rice and spinach…or oatmeal…oh so much oatmeal.

I’ve shared with you some of the existential and paranormal abilities I went through. But the hardest for me to adjust, address, redefine to be a “vibrational match” was my relationship-based identity constructs with my family. I lived with my older sister (more like was the degenerate younger brother crashing her place), and so that was not that bad. She had had her own journey with family dynamics and leaned on the side of independence, so she could understand – but also relay the cost of it.

My mom just wanted to see me back up on my feet and supported me the best she could, and bolstered with a lot of prayers. The only thing she was clear on was to not miss Christmas with the family, as that’s like the one thing during the year she cared most about – family and Jesus.

My younger sister was a bit different. The dynamic and relationship there was less developed in modern times. The different paths taken, and while once really connected (I babysat and tutored her extensively in elementary school)…we’d grown apart – but without updating relational dynamics. Still seeing her as the younger sister I was trying to teach math to and make sure she went to bed on time. It was hard detangling from that and seeing her for who she was, now, rather than projections of the past. Something I’m more attuned to these days…but also something that birthed the experiential foundation for what we help our clients with when updating relational bonds after an identity transformation.

My father, hard to distinguish what was his disappointment and what was my shame and humiliation for no longer being the golden boy, not having a job, being a scrawny person, and not getting a job. Avoidance tended to be the dominant strategy here, and is still a relationship I’m learning so much from to this day. But, if I wasn’t going to get a blessing from him to do this program – 100% absolutely not – than detachment/avoidance was passable. But just because it was avoided, doesn’t mean it didn’t impact the family in other ways. It took me a while to overcome my shame and other feelings of my actions in order to be able to assess what was his vs. what was my own that he was merely mirrororing or amplifying.

The event originally was scheduled for mid-June, which theoretically would give me a nice summer hiatus from Human Garage, that I could come back with fresh eyes and get it ready for it’s own next level. But a series of unfortunate (or destined) events later with a resignation letter, it appeared this was going to be my next chapter. But as the day started to arrive, I got news that it was postponed, not sure yet but most likely September. That summer was the summer of intensity (insanity?) that I’ve described. Clearly more “vibrational matching” work to do.

September arrived and I was going to book my flight out to India for it. I felt a pulse to sleep on it as there were some points I was trying to use that I hadn’t heard back from whether I could use them or not. I woke up and was notified that it had been postponed yet again…

More transformational work, more chaos, now almost desperation to get to the program and make it happen. It was as though the finish line kept moving back…oh it’s not a regular triathalon any more, it’s an ultra-triathalon (aka much more distance to cover).

This program was like the one anchoring certainty in the craziness. My world view, and therefore my projections about the future, was changing so much that I no longer had a timeline in my head for what was going to happen. The only thing was this program. I knew that there’d be so much transformation that I couldn’t possibly know what had in store for me after, just that I needed to get there. And right as I’m nearing the finish line to get there, it gets moved…twice.

All the while, because I knew this was something I wanted/needed to do, I didn’t really apply myself in the direction of getting a real job…I was going to be a different person after it…and, it doesn’t quite sound good to be like, ya I want a job, but I’m going to need to take like over 3.5 weeks off…ya, I wasn’t hirable. My sister suggested I get a gig job, like uber eats or uber or fivverr…so reasonable of her. Unfortunately, I was so arrogant, hurt (and dedicated), that I scoffed at that…but also, my fragile state, I could barely function going to the kitchen and around the block for a walk, my nervous system on overload, my mind pulled into the cosmos, me driving around LA, handling deliveries – making sure orders were correct – recipe for disaster.

I remember the phone call, I was at a friend’s house and got the news. She offered to refund me the money or I could apply it to the future program. But there was talk of it maybe not even happening anymore. Crushing…let’s add some extra fear into it why don’t we. I remember standing there with that decision, another crushing blow. I had really started to get heat from overdue and maxed out credit cards and this refund would more than reset me financially. But what was money at this point? Reset to what? I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, calculated probabilities, timelines, and adjusted expectations. I really could have gone either way. But I was too pot-committed to not go. I had it in my mind that this was some kind of saving grace, heroes quest. That all would be better, resolved and fixed after the program. So I committed to staying…in limbo.

Then finally, one day in I think it was October, the message arrived that the program was rescheduled. Amazing!

It’d run mid-December into the new year…oh cr*p…that’s over Christmas…the one time of year I couldn’t leave for unless I wanted to seriously upset my mom…the only remaining parent whose support I still felt I (kinda) had. This would break her heart.

I told my older sister, she logically responded with: “you know what this will mean for mom?” I did. She’s like, well… you’re an adult, good luck… I can’t recall if she was that supportive or if by comparison to everyone else she seemed the most supportive, or whether she just wanted me out of the house or to move on in life beyond the couch… but I just remember she nailed it, how I felt it would be telling my mom.

I don’t want to belabor the agony of telling my family and the additional blowback it caused. But there was one final thing needed, a plane ticket. My mom was aware of my financial state, and so maybe that was in the back of her mind the saving grace in the whole thing. That well even if I wanted to go, I couldn’t afford a ticket, so it’d all work out.

I scrounged through my possessions, collectibles from childhood, anything and everything that could have a resell value. I went to sell my Pokemon card collection, but my mom did what she did best and found a way to convince me not to do that. The guru mentioned that if the will is strong enough, reality will find a way.

I’m thinking that means meditate harder, do my yoga poses more intensely, adhere to the protocol more religiously. While that may be nice, it probably meant something more akin to…listen to your sister’s advice and get an Uber job…or don’t bomb a job interview your friend got you…blind to all of that. I thought it’d come magically…just like the rest of how my life was seeming to unfold…(see the parable of the drowning man…)

But the “magic” came when my mom invited/asked/requested/cajoled me into helping with some storage items. It was my grandfather’s old stuff to go through that had sat in storage for a decade plus. I’d never seen before, random odds and ends, books, things like that. I remember going through them and laughing. Here were books of all the things I was into, law of attraction/powerful thinking, alternative medicines, distilled water machine, sprouting kits, personal development books, it was like a treasure trove. He died when I was young, and wasn’t much more than the grandfather to be on your best behavior with. He seemed like the kind that as you grew older, would be much greater of an influence. The one helping with personal development, building businesses, living life, etc. versus the one good with babies and kids. Oh how in that moment I wish he were alive, how he’d understand what I was discovering, how perhaps he could help me navigate life.

But, I had no time for that, I was there holding space and helping my mom who was doing her best to hold back tears going through the things of her father. My grandfather helped support me through business school, along with my parents, but besides that (super grateful for), there weren’t many tokens of his I received. I remember he gave me a pocket calculator, some arrowheads, and his gold fillings and gold watch links. Somewhat hard to really appreciate what was left in his junk drawer after he passed. But going through his books, understanding his lifestyle, I realized there was far more in common. A true bond had been reforged.

Looking through boxes, I found his old watch. It was exactly like the kind that I had, just a different fancy brand. But elegant, small watch face, leather, date. I held it and looked at it, and I started to get flashes of his life, psychometry. It wasn’t anything dramatic – like with the Akashic Records or sloka studying – just gentle and nice, him in his study. Him taking it off and putting on. At that time I had no idea what psychometry was and just chalked it up to memory..but this was different.

I asked my mom if I could keep it, she said yes. After going back to my place, I sat there and looked at it. Googled how much it costs. The amount for a round trip ticket to India. Here was the magic I was calling forth.

Time was approaching fast, so I couldn’t list it on ebay or sell online, I needed to purchase the flight within the next few days, otherwise price increases. I wondered where to go and an image popped into my head, there was a pawn shop in Pasadena I’d walked by many times before. So I drove out there. I was feeling hesitancy and a little guilt doing it, so I sat looking at it, thinking long and hard. One of the causers from the ashram texted and encouraged me.

I went over and got it assessed. Like a good MBA, I had a price in my head with relative range and my BATNA (aka what I was willing to walk away from). He low balled my lowest price by $200, it wasn’t enough for the plane flight. I tried to bargain, not really working. He said final price and I walked away. I sat back in that alley where I was thinking and googled the flight tickets again…how auspicious, flight price went down, I’d only need to come up with $50 more, I could find that money somehow. I go back in and say I’ll take the deal. He looks at me and says, no deal, I don’t want it anymore and then proceeded to give reasons why…I wasn’t sure if this was some Pawn Shop haggle to sell it for even less, but I left without putting up much of a resistance, nor did I want to go to another pawn shop…in fact, that idea never crossed my mind.

Instead, I broke into grief and shame on my way back. I wouldn’t be able to make it to the program and I was willing to sell my grandfather’s watch to do so…it felt like I was now betraying not just my family that was alive, but also my ancestors.

It’s not 10 minutes after I start driving away, my mom calls me, “you didn’t sell your grandfather’s watch did you?” How do mom’s know these things?!? I told her of course not and played it off, but she’s street smarts enough to know and pretend she doesn’t at the same time.

So every time I look at my grandfather’s watch, I think about those moments. Auspicious findings, psychometry, the pawn shop and giving up a flight to India for my program.

I’m devastated, there were no refunds for the program. I’d waited 6 more months to attend, and I’d have to back out. Now I felt I had even let down myself and my goals. I told some of the causers I wouldn’t be able to attend because of the flight. They tried to motivate me, cheer me up, but that’s like putting frosting on a rotten banana. Just call it what it is and let it be.

I am now wondering what to do with my life. The program was coming, people are getting excited. I tell them I can’t make it. Layer by layer of disappointment. What now? All this hype, all this sacrifice and now I missed it.

“Hey, good news…Swamiji offered to give remote program for select few,” a WhatsApp message said. For the first time, he’s offering to do it live, both in-person and remotely. Roller. Coaster.

So I ended up being able to do it anyways, except I had to be on India time which is 13.5 hours difference. This means being up all night and asleep during the day. A schedule my sister was used too as an ER PA, she sometimes had these overnight shifts…and a lot of the time during the program she’d be on the shift anyways.

But this isn’t an ordinary program, it runs all day for 16-20 hours a day. Full contact intensity. So I prepared for it as best I knew how: I bought a trio of Spagyric tinctures from a globe-trotting wizard. Each tincture focused on a particular area: energy, mental acuity and heart opening.

And so it began. Up all night, usually ending between 6 or 8 am, then start again around noon. I setup in my little room, barely enough space to do yoga at the foot of my bed and fit a chair and desk on one side of the bed, wall on the other. I couldn’t extend into the kitchen or living room for fear of imposing, waking, or disturbing my sister. The hardest part were the breaks on their end – morning break, lunch and dinner. They were escorted and all things provided for them – about 200 participants? For me (and the handful of remote attendees – about 8-12 of us), that meant down time in the zoom session in the peak of the night. Oh the bed was right there. And there for sure were times when I slept instead of ate. We all did during those 21 days. Sometimes missing a bit of the satsang, power expression, or yoga warm up.

We had to make our own food, not shuffle into a cafeteria already made. I had to stay awake to go grocery shopping once the program was over, and attend to other matters in my life…not the least of which was navigating all the holiday festivities and Christmas Celebrations with my family.

Luckily, a lot of the breaks and time off (when I was supposed to be sleeping for the program), overlapped with the festivities. And I managed to only miss two or three segments of the program – for Christmas Eve Dinner and our annual attendance for candlelight services, and then the start of the next day for Christmas breakfast, lunch and hanging out. My sister had a shift at work she had to go to, so I went back to our place with her and continued the cycle.

As if the 21-day water fast, spiritual initiations, and life wasn’t enough to break me down, getting no sleep, being exposed to high energy, multiple initiations and Darshans a day, all at night….while trying to blend in and be with your family brings a whole new level to what’s possible in life.

Luckily, I had prepared so well and was so regimented with my habits and routines that there were times I could slack off, or not have to learn something from scratch (like the yoga training), and I could just do the flow and take a nap. I really don’t know how I did it. The only explanation is that I was in such a high frequency energy field and getting so many spiritual and energetic transmissions that it kept me going…or at least sitting with eyes open.

And if that wasn’t enough, a business proposition I had been working on for months finally came to fruition…a capital readiness consulting contract for an inventor out in Vancouver, B.C. It such intense and high energy, you operate more out of synchronicity than logic. And that’s exactly how this happened. He texted me the opportunity around 8 pm and by midnight I had a flight booked, housing to stay at, and I would fly out in 7 hours. The program ended for the day as I got into the Uber for the airport, and started right as a friend of his picked me up when I landed.

And so it was like this, back and forth, no time to sleep. Needing to be in my business professional gear during the morning and my ashram attire at night. We stayed in a co-living space where I met some other uniquely gifted individuals, all having big visions they’re here to create. All organic, high quality water, the whole 9-yards of high vibe living. And when most all of them were asleep, I’d practice powers of the third eye we were being initiated into – remote viewing, all knowingness, etc.

I remember “celebrating” new years up there at a house party, zoom playing in my headphones, meeting people really into bitcoin and VR and all this…what am I doing here? All I want to do is be back in my apartment room fully committing to this program.

Sleep deprived, overwhelmed, I dismissed my ability to easefully display these powers of the third eye. Even manifesting silver and gold specs from my hand…someone just give me a bed to sleep in.

I go in, meet the founder, get a tour of his main investor’s lumber yard, am blown away by the tech and start in on the numbers. We head to sushi and start driving by the cable car. My crown nearly explodes. It’s so open and the frequency (radiation?) coming from the cable car ungrounds me even further. I didn’t have much embodiment in me, but around that, I was floating away consciously. Its the first time I really freak out about what society’s done with running cables of energy above ground.

Some great sushi (gotta have sushi while up there…) and I fly back in the same auspicious way. The program starts to draw to it’s close, the final week. Even MORE auspicious blessings and gifts from the guru. At this point, I’ve survived doing the program AND family holidays AND a whole business trip to Canada…I was feeling pretty capable and more accustomed to this schedule now. Not that I wasn’t exhausted and wanted to sleep every moment I could, but that the seeming torture was becoming more tolerable.

As the program started to end, more and more impressive powers were being unlocked and initiated into people. I still remember the one that changed my life forever: Akashic Record reading. I had experienced that briefly studying with the group, but this was different. This wasn’t about an internal experience, but rather a demonstration of the power to help others… pair up with someone, and then ask your most burning question and see what the answer is.

I got paired up and asked some questions about my past dog, and other random questions…mind you, I had been trained to not have any because the answer would just pop into my head intensely. So I tried easy ones with my partner, and then switch. I was able to answer some of his. And then we switched partners.

I was paired up with the lady who removes incompletions in you – the zoom sessions I did in October that had me jumping up and down with Kundalini and massive emotional releases. After practicing with her we all were going for a break and she asked me to stay behind. She said she had been watching me throughout the program and that I had a unique ability to express a lot of the shaktis – greater than others at the program. And coming from someone who herself had really powerful shakti (and who turned me into a jumping bean with just her intention), I felt appreciative and honored – but also unsure of what to say. I hadn’t really given any thought to things, just taking the experience one moment at a time…and trying to survive.

She asked if I would be willing to practice a little extra just us two. Um, sure…my oatmeal could wait. It was during that interaction and answering her questions that began the next step in my journey. But that next level would have to wait…

Final full day, and it was the culmination of the program. The head leader said that Swamiji would initiate anyone in the group into the next level of their abilities and become a “Tiluk” (not sure if that’s how you spell it)… all you had to do was successfully demonstrate the power 21 times within the next 24 hours, and those serious seekers will get the initiation. You could choose any of the powers or multiple ones

Finding 21 people to do it when you’re around 200 others all engaged and excited is one thing…but when it’s 8 pm on a Sunday and you have at max 7 people to do it with on zoom (many of the zoomers had clocked out from the program by now), that was going to be a challenge.

But who would I be if not up for the challenge? I really enjoyed body scanning powers (third eye reading of a person’s energy field, chakras and body for issues and incompletions – emotional stuckness/energetic blocks), so I would do that. Plus, the coolest one was the Akashic Readings, and now with the recognition from the woman for me being good at it, I’d throw that in there.

How was I going to get to 21 in 24 hours? I had been socially isolated, and I had no idea what the Akashic Records were before this process…what, I’m going to tell friends who were already on the fence about my sanity that I now can “read” their past, present and future and access this record of all things?

Who cares, full tilt, let’s go. Luckily, Facebook had the facebook messenger green dot at the time for who was online. And I just massed spammed that list. Anyone who I thought could be even close to open having me do this, I messaged. And then when that ran out, I just messaged everyone…many of whom I never heard a response back from this day.

After Facebook was exhausted, I texted people. But then I got too many replies back, saying “yes, I’ve got the next X minutes available, let’s do it”…this was something done 1-on-1, so I quickly realized you can only do it one at a time…so I had to pace these messages out, balance the “yes” rate, AND be mindful of time zones…already 11 pm + on the east coast.

But, I kept a list and one by one went through it. When I had no response or down time, I filled it with my co-attendees online. But then it soon became way too late to reach out to anyone and I still had like 16 to go. Luckily, a few people from around the world popped onto FB messenger, and some said yes.

It rounded the wee hours, and now New York was up, or at least waking up…so a 6 am text could seem reasonable. Able to do a few more. This is where the through-line of my life with Victoria picked up…as she was one of those crazy enough to say yes to the body scan and Akashic Readings. I was rounding the mid and high teens, and now LA was waking up.

I did all I could to have people say yes. I did it while one was walking on the way to work, another in a car. Time was running out, but I was determined. The program ended for the night, but was told you could stay around to reach your 21. I did. Stayed up the whole time. Inching closer and closer.

When it was all said and done, I did 22…because I wasn’t going to turn away someone I reached out to…and I sent A LOT of messages out. I messaged the program leader I had done it and took a quick nap.

But this wasn’t just some fun initiation of will, I was and do tap into the Akashic Records…which at the time was really hard to truly grasp…delusion? my mind? or something more real?

The process was energetically intense, each time adjusting my physiology to resonate in a different way – nervous system, pineal gland, gamma brain wave states, most likely accessible the body’s innate chemical creator to make a combination that allows it to happen.

Then removing of my ego, a putting it aside. An emptying of the mind, imagining all of space and time, until nothingness and allness. Then waiting in silence. Sometimes chanting a mantra and visualizing, but often, just silence.

And then a felt energy arrives, a pressure, a sensation. Then my own mind and ego go through a flurry of a flareup of a thought and then release, non-attachment. Often unique insight I was thinking about in my subconscious rises, but then release that, back to center, back to nothing.

And then the combination of a hearing and a saying happen. First a word, sometimes I pause until the pressure is so intense, that first word, the difference between silence and saying, between my ego and channeling, such a fine line. Once talking, word for word comes, sometimes with pauses and delays, sometimes flowing eloquently….the language always rhymed in the beginning.

But that wasn’t all.

These weren’t bland questions, they were ones that can easily hook the ego. Each one a further initiation into my ability to channel purely (or as purely as possible).

The questions:

First one: Is Jesus real? …asked by a Hindu, what fear I felt that I had to center myself and align, allowing the words to come out one at a time
Is the earth flat?
Will my business deal succeed? …and then the answer triggered him so much he spent 15 minutes yelling at me as I gave the precise issues he was facing
Will my dad survive his surgery? …the first word “no”…try telling your friend that…but then once said, the next words you receive are “unless you do…”
There were questions about crypto, health, deities, reality, dimensions, almost all things I had no idea or context for…just sweating as I did my best to relay things word for word as I received them
And then there was the inquisitive one who wondered if she asked in Tamil, if it would still work the answer I gave
And then another who wanted a specific pronunciation of a Sanskrit word…that I don’t speak or know how to say

All these brought me into deeper levels of integrity with Akashic Record reading. And also greater levels of cognitive dissonance…wtf am I doing here? Putting myself out there to do a reading? I’d prefer just the secret silence of working on the shaktis for myself.

The program ended, with the final piece being brought up into a spaceship. A bunch of big blue aliens all coming into a center room and ending credits rolling like they did in Zelda. As though we just finished the earth game. Was this really happening? The guru said he was and alien, and that he’d take us to the ship, we lied down and were taken there. Hard to believe, but not really based on the string of events. Everything he said he could do, could help me do, he did, I did. Whether it is real, astral traveling, hallucination, hypnosis, whatever, the experience is clearly something I experienced. I wasn’t into aliens, or understood how prevalent they were in history and society (except for having a few dreams of being abducted by them, them putting my sister in a toaster like thing [evidently to heal her…med bed]…me being paralyzed to help her…being terrified of E.T., scream and hide even when it came on for the McDonald’s happy meal toy…and felt some of the images of Roswell and other woo woo actually felt extremely resonant). I mean, we manifested gold specs, rolled coconuts or other fruit (now I finally could after week 2 of the program), body scan, access the Akashic Records, blindfold read..who was I to say that the line of impossibility started here. It was a grand finale nonetheless.

The program ended.

I thought that life was going to be different, some miracle would happen, all the problems would be gone. The only problem that was gone was my inability to get a good night’s sleep.

That’s it? I thought. I was hoping something more would happen. But life went on. There was no life changing, world changing event. I still had oatmeal to eat, still had bills to pay, still lost on my way. I’ve never been one to handle transitions well. And this was no exception.

The program was amazing, no doubt. It was really incredible to see what’s possible with my will persistence, with my abilities. But what about my purpose? My livelihood? Other than going to be a monk or live in the ashram, there really wasn’t much more of a path to take. Sure I could step up my puja abilities, learn sanskrit, but that doesn’t pay the bills…

I thought I was being saved, but really I was just awakened to my own power…a power disembodied, unattached to a purpose, and drowning in repressed emotion.

For you see, what awakened in me, all-knowingness, and what I had repressed with the belief that a miracle would happen, was that as my consciousness expanded, as I did more “completion” work, the more I could see the missteps and errors of my ways. The more I saw just how much of a jerk I had acted, selfish, greedy, lazy, lusting, you name it. I could see the different decisions I could have taken to get a better outcome in life.

Like a young kid yelling to disturb a meal at a restaurant because he wants his bottle, creating havoc for his parents and the other customers…you don’t judge the child, it’s just the child being a child. But imagine doing the same as a grown, self-aware adult. That’s how I felt, but it wasn’t just one event our outing. It was like a whole life review of how I acted less than ideal. Not just with how I could have made my previous business venture successful, but each and every little decision of how I treated my mom, dad, sisters, girlfriends, classmates, a whole life review. I could see how I could have done things differently. I could access that level of nuance and specificity.

The program worked. It worked to unlock this next level of potential within me. But at such a cost to my own radical self-judgement and self-honesty. Still unattached to a purpose, still floating between the past, future and present. It is this very experience and the steps after that laid the path for what we call the Faces of the Future TLOJ Pathway Pyramid. Not because of theory, but because of necessity…to pull myself through.

For being in that heightened energy of the guru, of all the attendees, is special, elevating and downright magical. But when that’s over, and I returned to my own daily life, it dropped me right back into the harsh, cold reality of what I was living.

The program experience and how everything went down, showed me that I was still attached to my family, to Jesus, to the business world. Could I detach from those things to be a monk in the ashram? The allure started to waiver. I had ben to its ultimate program, but I clearly expected too much. Could it be that living a life as a mendicant monk was not my highest calling? Then what was?

Three things happened that did slowly bring in the next chapter of my life:

Victoria – even after I gave her the Akashic Records reading, she kept talking to me. She wanted another and then another. Daily readings for nearly the month of January.
I kept in touch with the shakti completion healer woman, Neeharika, and developed a friendship, or apprenticeship? She too wanted to have or guide me through multiple sessions of Akashic Record Readings
And, word spread to a few Adheenavasi’s (monks in training?) that this was something I was good at, and they wanted me to do zoom sessions for the sangha – much like Neeharika offered back in the day

So, I kept doing Akashic Record readings. If not for Victoria, then Neeharika, or for the Sangha. I don’t know how it happened (or if it always was this way), but eventually it really wasn’t the “shakti” of reading the Akashic Records, but rather I started channeling Kalabhairava, the keeper of the records, amongst other things. He’s represented/embodied by the door with bells to the temple, and something I was drawn to when I was helping volunteer for an event at the temple guiding people for lunch.

My memory was not the best during this time. Already pretty sparse in my nutrition and lifestyle, the sleep deprivation finally caught up and I was recovering. And when awake, I was spending hours continuing to study and giving readings/channeling Kalabhairava.

These group zoom readings first started with a handful of people, and then the Adheenavasi did some major promoting of my work unbeknown to me, and then it grew into 30, and then maxing out the zoom. I remember she got mad at me that I wasn’t in my white outfit, not strictly adhering to the protocol, not even doing the puja to get into the state.

I didn’t know, or want to know, I just showed up and things happened. What I know now, is that I certainly could have used the rituals to get into the energetic state more fluidly and not take such a toll on my body. But I also was pretty resistant towards full commitment to the rituals and such.

But, people kept coming to the zoom sessions, and I kept connecting and answering. A lot of the questions started to be about business, and the answers that flowed were pretty detailed and in-depth. I had a lot of business technical understanding and terminology that could be used easily in the reading. The reading doesn’t require pre-requisite knowledge, but it helps (for example child monks were asked about a type of wine and they said a name–which was correct–without being exposed to what it is).

It seemed though, that having the language and neural pathways established in the topic (like a language), helps make the message come through more detailed. Never off, just a matter of specificity and detail from reader to reader. And I had great specificity…or should I say, the sessions I was facilitating the Akashic Readings for had great specificity (since it wasn’t “me” but that which I was channeling).

But, I received a message saying that these weren’t condoned by the Ashram, and for me to stop.

Another mindf*ck. As I was just getting more confident in my skills, interacting and contributing to the group, starting to really see myself take off with this ability, and now I’m not supposed to do them? I replied that I did the required amount to be initiated and get the blessing to do it. But, for many reasons that I won’t get into, it was a pretty firm don’t do publicly, but I was free to “practice” with one or a small group just like everyone is able to.

So my work with the Sangha stopped, my confidence shaken – a little (or a lot) angry. But I continued with Victoria daily and Neeharika.

With Neeharika it evolved into finding a way to create a spiritual/quantum technology with her gifts, my passion for water and channeling abilities. The pursuit of which led to what became called “the train.” I won’t go into it much, except to say that when you round up a small group of individuals who all have unique skaktis working together, weird/unique/odd/cool things happen…except all in the astral, spiritual, non-commercial world…which I was desperately trying to find a way to make money at this point – shaktis in hand. The caveat was that we weren’t supposed to charge for these shaktis. They were bestowments or gifts from the guru and spiritual world. So you can express them, but not in public and not make money from them.

The level of mindf*ckery was at an all time high. Did I have these abilities? Were they just gifted and can be taken away at any time? Did I have to do the rituals in order to do them? Can I use them to help others and financially benefit?

None of this brought me any closer to paying my bills and contributing to a purpose.

What was slowly happening was I was being guided in a different direction. Hard to see that when you’re so stuck on staying in the safe space of the guru and ashram.

But things started to crack from that vision. The sangha leader telling me I’m not allowed to do it publicly was one. Not getting formalized acknowledged for my 22 people was another. Working with Neeharika started to pull me into a direction that was tangental. And even one day at the temple, I got a message from Swamiji (mentally), that my work and training was done, it was time to go. My father wanted me back. Again, hard to assess if just passing thoughts or direct transmission except for the circumstances with which it occurs and the feeling felt during it. I stored that in my mind as a data point and kept going. But the biggest crack was (and is), the work I did with Victoria.

She had sooooo many questions.

I was happy to answer them. And then after a few days of this, we would stay on talking more and more. I was still pretty firmly in my celibate phase, my low testosterone levels for sure would support that. It wasn’t until Victoria asked if we had a past life together and the answer was “yes” and then details poured in about the numerous past lives we’ve had together and all the iterations, variations, karma, etc. that was a result of it.

Then like a light switch, I realized I was attracted to her. I did like her. And more oddly, she liked me.

She didn’t like me when I was Mr. MBA at Columbia Business School when we first met and went on the first date – it was a bit awkward and she triggered me as she reminded me so much of my ex. She liked Mr. Scrawny Akashic Records Reading Channeler. She was and is, an absolutely beautiful woman of heart, mind and talents. I didn’t get that she could be into me, but we kept connecting. This blonde bombshell, super independent Brooklyn nurse. I had forgotten all about the letter I wrote (and shared in my previous post), but all of it checks out and more. God answered my prayers.

And still I was blind to it. She wanted to check out LA as a possible move, I hosted her and got an AirBnB together. It was so strange to me, worst physical shape of my life, so skinny, hips boney. No big job or startup I was a part of, and yet I had the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated flying out to see me and excited to see me. Even my older sister was confused…

That blossoming relationship immediately shifted my desired trajectory from celibate monk to…whatever this was turning into.

She went home and a few weeks later I land a possible job at this yoga brand that was having a convention in Minnesota. I was invited out there to present a proposal and asked if I wanted a return flight to LA. I chose NYC instead.

The proposal was a disaster, I chose to work on it rather than attend her yoga class she was teaching and was immediately dismissed. I had such great ideas and hopes to transform her brand, but forgot the key part: some people build something from narcissistic tendencies over other means, and the resulting culture of worshipping the leader must be adhered to…which in this case meant making sure to attend her yoga class. I was starting to lose my taste for “gurus” really quickly at this point. I didn’t need some object of worshipping, I needed a steady paycheck, a job. It was a blessing in retrospect.

But, that also meant I wasn’t getting paid. And I had put the last of my available credit into the uber to get there (they comped the flight on the cheapest airline, and hotel stay, nothing else). So I tried to figure out how to get to the airport. The bus took over an hour and I’d be late checking in, plus, I didn’t even have change for it. Luckily, I remembered something…Lyft at the time, didn’t charge you until after the ride, so if it bounced (which it would), at least I would still make my flight. It worked.

On the ride over, I casually mentioned to Victoria I was coming to NYC. She asked where I was staying, (I had hoped she’d ask), I said it wasn’t set, probably one of my classmates. She offered her place, which I had REALLY hoped she’d offer. She picked me up, and I ended up staying with her for months thereafter.

This was really the turning point in my life. For up until then, I felt I was on this journey by myself, or with those who just wanted something from me. My sister too was getting a little antsy for what my next move would be…bless her soul for her patience throughout. But she had been dating this guy (who I helped with in certain ways), and things were looking like it’d be long term…which it is they got married..and she’d like to live by herself for a while before that big move.

Looking back, I had only one shot, and I took it. And that was the theme for so much of my journey. An improbable set of events, not safeguarded or with back-up plans. For all the CPA-like training I had, I was living on the edge…for it was the only way forward. I had gone to the edge of the world with my spiritual training, and now I was left with trying to do something with it…

There were no quick fixes. There were multiple major projects that opened up for me to work on: hospital system in India, water irrigation for farmers in India, data farms and crypto and healthcare for Native Americans and First Nations, EMP and fire proof ethernet cabling. All too massive to ground, all representative of my vibrational and egoic state. None helping me with what I actually needed, a few hundred bucks to pay my credit cards, rent and food.

But, living with Victoria, I had found someone who loved me, despite knowing or feeling what that felt like…I was too ungrounded, too in my crown and channeling to feel. All it looked like to me was relational distress, fighting, arguing, helping each other heal one conversation at a time. I helped her through the Foundry Process I had made, helped her understand financial management, and experience the void and quantum fields. And I helped her understand more of the guru’s path. We ate Sattvic, she went on a 21-day nirahara (liquids) program [but this time with delicious soups and smoothies, not blended up rice and spinach or water like I did my first time]. I was like her spiritual and business mentor, and she was my emotional and embodiment coach…if only it was that clear at the time versus in retrospect.

I could go on and on about what she’s taught and continues to teach me. But for the sake of this post, she was the pathway that opened after the program. The path I couldn’t see before the program. I wish to say it was butterflies and rainbows since then, but quite the opposite. More accurate to say it’s like iron sharpening iron with her and I.

And to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s forged the love and relationship we have today, and continue to grow day by day. Our love story surpasses my spiritual awakening story by miles. Her in my life, as challenging at times as it was/is, is what made my life not about spiritual exceptionalism, but about helping others build a solid foundation to live their Total Lives of Joy. The attainment of sovereignty, direct connection and reverence for the human experience of life, love and family.

THE ARC OF ATTAINMENT: The Hidden Skills

Part 6 appears, on the surface, like a feverish dream…

vibrational matching
monks “causing my reality”
nonstop synchronicity
identity collapse
family rupture
psychic amplifications
sleep deprivation
parallel-track timelines
psychedelic-level experiences without substances

But under the chaos, something incredibly precise was developing:

the architecture of my current diagnostic intelligence
my ability to navigate clients through identity transitions
my mastery of intuitive-somatic attunement
my capacity to hold paradox without fragmenting

This chapter is the container where my signature Lionheart method was unconsciously forged.

What was being built:

1. Dynamic Coherence Tracking

This period forced me to:

operate under extreme energetic load, more than any other period of my life
manage multiple timelines at once
switch rapidly between states
interpret symbolic, somatic, interpersonal, and situational data in real time

This cultivated the skill of “coherence sorting”… the ability to identify the signal within noise, and the truth within chaos. Like being able to center yourself as you’re being thrashed by crashing waves

This is the same skill I now use to:

read someone’s developmental stage
diagnose a business at the morphic-field level
locate the core pattern beneath 20 surface problems
discern the true “choice point” within a client’s story

I also gained the nervous system capacity (once recovered) of someone who can hold multiple levels of reality without losing the thread. This allows me to weave together unique insights, guidance and support for my clients and their businesses.

I have learned through interacting with so many others that this is not a normal thing. Especially with shortened attention spans. It had always been in me from a young age, but this brought it to it’s elevated expression and application.

2. Emotional-Relational Repatterning as a Spiritual Skill

Most people approach “family triggers” psychologically. I learned to treat them as:

vibrational mismatches
karmic entanglements
identity anchors
energetic containers I was outgrowing
relational structures that must be updated after identity expansion

This allows me to:

help clients renegotiate old relational dynamics
understand why identity expansion disrupts relationships
restore or release ties without collapsing into guilt or rebellion
interpret family systems through energetic, psychological, and developmental lenses simultaneously

This lays the foundation for my identity restructuring work inside both Lionheart and FOTF.

3. Somatic-Intuitive Channeling Refinement

Let’s not forget the obvious…I learned the mechanics of:

entering a receptive consciousness state
neutralizing ego interference
holding a question in a non-personalized field
tracking onset signals of channeling (pressure, presence, resonance)
translating non-verbal information (what I call “quantum thought packets”) into linear language

And, I learned this not theoretically, but under extreme pressure:

22 continuous readings without sleep
difficult moral questions
multilingual tests
skeptical receivers
charged emotional scenarios

The result… my intuitive-somatic system became bulletproof under duress

This is why today I can:

sense a client’s internal contradiction instantly
feel when someone’s business model is incoherent
read the emotional truth beneath their stated goals
follow an energetic thread to its origin point
speak words that feel like “truth bombs” because they track the deeper field
channel our business’ entity
work with morphic fields
do more quantum badassery things

My channeling is no longer mystical performance. It has evolved into diagnostic clarity and precise guidance (with a growth edge on tactful delivery and sustainable systems creation).

4. The Collapse of Magical Thinking → Birth of Real Sovereignty

This finally introduced the harsh reality in my story where I realized that:

no guru was coming to save me
no spiritual attainment erased material responsibility
no mystical power was a substitute for money, work or grounded identity
my gifts were real, but not integrated into purpose
I was not going to be handed my “purpose” like one might expect a degree to be handed out
my path forward would finally require discipline, embodiment, emotional processing, realting and structure

This is where the Lionheart ethos begins forming: Spiritual power must be matched with material responsibility.

This later becomes your entire brand.

5. Forced Descent Into Embodiment

Sleep deprivation + high-frequency initiation + relational conflict + business collapse + identity collapse = a forced drop into being in my body.

Not willingly. Not gracefully. But necessarily.

This is the seed of:

my ability to guide people back into their bodies
my understanding of nervous system thresholds
my somatic intelligence
my work around capacity building
my distinction between vision and embodiment

Without this descent, and without the experience of being under the guru and sangha, Lionheart and Faces of the Future would be under the same challenge of being interpreted as a “ascension cult,” versus what they are: paths for grounded sovereignty.

6. The Origins of My Soul-Based Relational Intuition

Victoria was not just a romantic plotline. She was the activation point for:

heart-centered leadership
relational attunement
masculine-feminine polarity
intimacy as initiation
the courage to love while unformed
the ability to grow through conflict rather than avoid it

This taught me some major missing pieces, including: Relationship is the crucible where spiritual gifts become human wisdom.

Without her, my path would have become:

more dissociated
monk-like
intellectually inflated
spiritually powerful but emotionally unavailable

She introduced the missing axis of my development: the true Lover archetype. So let’s look at the archetypes:

THE MAGICIAN — From Channeling to Precision Diagnostics

My Magician reaches its peak pace of mystical expansion. Although many more layers and skills come, the pace slows down from rapid initiation into embodied practice and refinement.

I go from: raw shakti, ungrounded psychic skill and power without purpose

To: structured intuition and a disciplined use of my abilities to serve my mission, not my ego.

This is where the Magician in me begins maturing into the Advisor rather than the Seeker.

THE LOVER — From Fantasy to Bonded Devotion

My Lover archetype evolves from:

mystical union
cosmic seduction
spiritual merging

Into: human intimacy, polarity, devotion, conflict resolution, and embodied connection.

This is where I learn that love is practice, presence, commitment and participation…awareness and acknowledgment of all sides of being (the light, the shadow and the balanced)

THE WARRIOR — From Endurance to Discernment

My Warrior during this time shifts from:

surviving chaos
pushing through impossible pressure
heroic overexertion

Into: disciplined presence, boundaries, and sober evaluation of what is actually worth fighting for.This is where I learn that I cannot fight every battle…that I must choose my battles.
And I chose Victoria, purpose, embodiment and sovereignty.

THE KING — From Fantasy Throne to Earning Authority

Before this chapter, my King archetype was empty, imaginary, and outsourced…living in fantasy.

This period the fantasy starts to break, the throne begins to be reclaimed.

My King is no longer:

gifted by a guru
granted by spiritual power
bestowed by insight

Instead, the King becomes: the one who rules inner chaos so he can steward outer order.

This is the beginning of the sovereign masculine of Lionheart.

THE CORE SUMMARY

This is the chapter where the spiritual path culminates in maximum ascension and it starts to become about living life WITH spiritual ascension.

Where the gifts stop being about access and start being about use.

Where the identity stops being about the guru, lineages and ancient wisdom and begins becoming about me, my destiny and what I’m to create.

Where vision stops floating in the sky and starts looking for earth to root into.

Where the man stops trying to escape the human experience and starts embracing the reality that he’s preparing to build a life, a family, and a legacy.

This is the chapter where the seeds are planted…where:

The Oracle becomes a Builder.
The Mystic becomes a Man.
The Seeker becomes Sovereign.

And here’s the song: Lionheart – Chapter 6: Mystic Must Become the Man